The Last Hope
by IArdentlyKnow
Summary: Several years after the Battle of Endor, Han and Leia's engagement brings them hope for a future they never believed possible during the war. But when tragedy strikes Leia is left to pick up the pieces and find away to carry on. Alone. She eventually finds hope somewhere she never expected. HanxLeia AU Reviews welcome :)
1. Chapter 1

Crumbling. The walls were collapsing in on itself. Her vision began to blur as she felt her legs give way. She heard a strangled cry, it was probably her own. It was all too much. It wasn't supposed to end this way. The war was over. After the Battle of Endor they had spent the last several years destroying the last pockets of Imperials. It was the most peaceful the galaxy had been in twenty-five years. She was finally allowed to have real hope of a future. To marry the man, she loved, maybe even start a family in a galaxy that was finally safe for her children.

It wasn't even supposed to be a dangerous mission. He was safe; she had no reason to worry. She remembered that morning like it was yesterday. He was due back to arrive from a month long mission. By the end of the day she would have him back. She longed to have him back. The feeling of his warmth, the gentle look in his hazel eyes, even that infuriating smirk- she missed it all. She would never admit it, but the nightmares where worse when he was gone. She had lost too much too young; he kept her in the present when the horrors of her past tried to drag her away.

She put on his favorite dress of hers, a creamy lace sundress. It was the one he had proposed to her in. She smiled at the memory. She even her long hair down, plaiting it just enough to keep it from falling in her face. She allowed herself to day dream of his smile as he came down the Falcon's ramp. The entire morning seemed to drag by as she awaited their anticipated hour of the Falcon's return.

But the ship didn't come. She waited at the docking bay, her eagerness quickly slipping into anxiety. Despite her brothers pleading she wouldn't abandon her post. Her stomach rolled uneasily, the thought of food made her queasy. She couldn't possibly dream of sleep if she wasn't surrounded by his strong arms.

But the ship still didn't come. It wasn't until the early hours of the morning that she saw the lights of a ship in the distance. Her heart began to race. She felt as though someone had physically lifted a heavy weight she didn't know she was carrying off her shoulders. He was home safe.

She watched as the crew began filing out of the old freighter. The Falcon didn't look any worse for wear but, something was off. None of the crew, all people she knew fairly well, looked at her. Some of them even seemed to be going out of their way to avoid eye contact. The only man that didn't completely avoid her presence only lifted his eyes to meet her gaze long enough to give her a small smile. It felt like a condolence.

She sighed a breath of relief when the large Wookie made his way down the ramp. If the Wookie was okay, her fiancé had to be too. They would never let anything happen to the other. She ran up and gave the giant figure a hug, only when she pulled back did she see his somber expression.

The words the Wookie murmured would have broken her heart no matter what language he spoke. She felt her knees give way before she even had fully registered the meaning behind his words.

Leia Organa had lost nearly everything she had ever loved. When Han Solo was killed by one of the last pockets of resistance to the new government, her last hope died. She didn't remember much of what happened after Chewbacca gave her the deafening news. Not the rest of the day or many of the ones that followed. Many of her close friends feared for her life, as she spiraled into a deep depression, seemingly void of all emotions.

That was five years ago. Five years since she had gotten engaged to the man she loved. Five years since his funeral. Five years since she had given up all hope. Five years since he gave her one last reason to carry on.


	2. Chapter 2

Leia hummed quietly, not even aware she was doing it, slowly weaving an intricate braid. Pausing only briefly to admire her work, she tickled the hair's owner to let her know she was done. The young girl turned around and flashed a wide smile in Leia's direction. Her smile was infectious.

"Thanks Mama!" The girl giggled hopping off of the stool.

"Of course darling, now go put your shoes on we don't want to be late." Leia said with a rare smile. The young girl was one of the only things that could coax a real smile out of Leia anymore. Sure, she faked plenty of them, but the people closest to her could see through the façade.

Walking into her bedroom she paused in front of the mirror. She wore a long navy blue dress. It looked formal, but simple. Her hair abruptly ended at her shoulders, adorned with only a small pin, keeping her hair out of her face. She made her way over to her jewelry box in search of the necklace her brother had gotten her for her birthday the year before.

Her delicate fingers reached down and picked up the ring she could never bring herself to wear, but on the contrary could never get rid of. It was truly beautiful, by far the prettiest piece of jewelry in her collection. Simple, but elegant and just flashy enough to catch your eye. But, she could never wear it, it brought back to many powerful memories. Memories of him; the love and joy he brought to her and the passionate emotions that came with it. Memories of twinkle in his eye and he smile that dominated his face as he asked her for his hand in marriage. And memories of the inevitable heart break and the pit of despair that followed, because she would never see his twinkling eyes again or his real smile, the big goofy grin that was almost too big for his face, not his trademark smirk he so often sported. She would have given anything even to see that smile again, even if it was just a smirk.

Carefully setting the ring down, as if it were so delicate it could shatter at the slightest provocation. With a shaky hand she whipped the tears that threatened to spill out of the corner of her eyes. Quickly finding her prize, she shut the jewelry box, sealing in all of the emotions it contained. Quickly doing the necklace's clasp she returned the living room and her main source of happiness in life.

In front of the door stood the young girl in a frilly, rose colored dress admiring her feet clad a pair of heels much too big for her child sized feet.

"Hana, are you sure those are your shoes, darling?" Leia chuckled. The young girl slowly raises her head, wearing a small mischievous grin. Comically she raised her arms giving an exaggerated shrug to feign innocence. The motion nearly brought tears to Leia's eyes; she couldn't help but grin at the piece of work that was her beloved daughter.

"Let's get you into some shoes that fit a bit better." Leia cooed exchanging heels for a much more suitable pair, before slipping the heels on her own feet. "I think that's much better, don't you think, Hana?" She said taking her daughters hand in her own.

"But mama I wanna wear doses shoes so I can look as pretty as you do." Countered Hana looking up at Leia, her expression turned serious, her hazel eyes open wide.

"You are already beautiful, darling, you don't need fancy shoes to make you pretty." Leia reassured kissing the young child's head.

Hana's face lit up, "Really mama?"

"Of course, but we have to hurry if you want to say hi to Uncle Luke and Uncle Chewie before the ceremony." Hana cheered in agreeance as Leia picked her up and walked out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the young girl's eagerness to see her favorite uncles, she was still distracted by her childish wonders and curiosity about the world around her. On any other day Leia would have been glad to answer all of her questions and stop to inspect their sources, but today she found them to be a frustrating waste of time. They were headed to a beautiful park in the middle of Coruscant, where Leia was to give a speech as a memorial was resurrected to remember all those who gave their lives in the fight against the Empire.

Although giving speeches in front of large crowds rarely fazed Leia, this speech was different. She wasn't trying to persuade the senate or rally rebel troops against the Empire. Leia was giving her condolences to the families that had lost love ones.

 _How do you give a speech about remembering lost loved ones when all you are trying to do is forget?_

She wanted Luke's Jedi wisdom on the matter. Emotions where something she generally tried to avoid with the exception of Hana, and sometimes Luke and Chewie. Grieving was something to be done behind closed doors when no one else was watching. And she was about to do it in front of thousands.

With a knot in her stomach, Leia accepted the fact that there was no way she was going to be able to talk to Luke and still make it on stage on time. She had to face it alone.

"Mama where is Uncle Lukie and Uncle Chewie?" Asked Hana her head pivoting from side to side as she squirmed in her mother's arms.

"We don't have time, darling, we will have to see them afterwards." Leia reassured as she weaved her way through the crowd. Hana stuck her limp out in a response. Leia gave her a small smile. The young girl's animated expression helped calm Leia, a gentle reminder that despite all of the hardship and sorrow, it had created a world safe for her daughter. And that was a world worth fighting for. It was always so easy to let her emotions flow and be more like her old self around Hana, a feat Leia hadn't mastered around anybody else. Most people found Leia professional and distance, if not hollow and cold.

At the steps of the large stage Leia spotted Rion. Rion had been Leia's assistant from the start of the New Republic and a young pilot in the Rogue Squadron beforehand. Once Hana was born him and his girlfriend, now fiancé, Elita even started helping bear the burden of helping Leia raise her child on her own. The young couple had become a life line for Leia and two of the people she had trusted the most in the galaxy.

With a knowing smile, Rion wordlessly took Hana out of Leia's arms. "Thank you" she mouthed to Rion before giving Hana a kiss on the cheek, she took a deep breath before making her way onto the stage. She smiled hearing her daughter joyous shout of encouragement as she approached the microphone.

Maybe, it was her years in the Imperial Senate, or maybe it was just a combination of talent and preparation, but the word Leia had prepared started flowing seamlessly out of her mouth. She felt oddly disconnected, as if she wasn't the one speaking the words she heard coming out of the speakers around her.

Leia started the scan the sea of people looking for the unmistakable Wookie and Luke would undoubtedly be with him. She tried not to focus on faces; she would recognize too many of them. She didn't want to feel the heartbreak that she knew she would see in their eyes. She only wanted to find the support of her family, blood related and otherwise. About a quarter of the way back on the right side of the crowd she spotted the towering Wookie. He offered her a wide Wookie grin, one of the happiest she had seen him give in a long time.

She began to look around the Chewbacca in search of her brother. She froze, distantly aware that her words had ceased mid-sentence. The only sound that filled the crowded square was the dead static of the mic.

Looking directly up at Leia were a pair of thought to be long gone hazel eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

It is an odd sensation to feel the wind against your skin, the sun against your face when it had been absent for so long. It was a small source of pleasure no one would ever think someone who spent a good portion of their life on a spaceship would miss, but after years in carbonite, being a live but really living, it was quite literally a breath of fresh air.

It had been five years he was told. It didn't feel like five years; time was an odd concept in carbonite. He was vaguely aware of it passing, but it was indistinct and hard to measure. The events leading up to his capture didn't feel like yesterday, but they also didn't feel like years had gone by.

He couldn't remember many details of the attack. He knew the Imps had launched a surprise attack. He remembered Chewie's enraged hollow. He remembered a searing pain in his side. Then he remembered waking up in a holding chamber on an underground Imperial base. A doctor had the curtesy to tell him he had been shot in the side, from all who had witnessed it he was surely dead. Luckily for him, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, he saved by the doctor. The doctor was even more pleased to inform his patient that since he was presumed dead, no one would come looking for him.

Needless to say, despite having saved his life, he wouldn't mind taking the doctor's, especially when he informed him what was to become of him. Word had apparently gotten around of Han Solo's famous capture and preservation in carbonite. And as the old saying goes if at first you don't succeed try again. So he found himself once again in the carbonite freezing chamber. And this time around he didn't even get look upon the face of the girl he loved in what, until very recently, was sure would be his last moments of true conscious life.

From what he pieced together afterwards the Imperials decided if they threw him carbonite slab somewhere in the deserts of Jakku no one would ever find him. Where he was discovered by some scavengers that were too thick skulled to realize it was more than a hunk of metal. Eventually after being traded several times he made his way into the hands of Luke Skywalker.

After being released and hospitalized for several weeks, Han Solo found himself a dead man in a very alive world. A world that had moved on, had a funeral for him even. And that was years ago. He was a ghost. A distant memory, back to haunt the living world.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke had changed. He was older, but more than in the way of the natural aging process. He had a since of ancient wisdom about him. Han knew it was part of the whole Jedi business, but in all honesty Luke was reminding him of the old dinosaur he picked up on Tatooine, when Luke was nothing more than a naïve moisture farmer. But Luke was still Luke, he was still the farm boy deep down and one of Han's closest friends. And Han would have probably would have been a lot more grateful if it wasn't for that fact if the kid would tell him a damn thing.

Luke absolutely refused to tell him much more than that Leia, Chewie, and his beloved ship where all safe and on Coruscant. And that they all lived there besides Chewie's frequent trips home to Kashyyyk. "It's not my story to tell," where the words the Jedi master had used.

On his second day away from the hospital, Luke took the retired smuggler to the Falcon and his lifelong partner. The carbonite chamber may not have finished him, but if the loveable Wookie hugged him any tighter he may not live to tell the tale. Although seeing his oldest friend and lifelong partner helped to put his heart at ease, as the day went on he became more and anxious.

Leia. No one would tell him anything about her, only that she was extremely stressed out about some government thing and he would have wait until the next day to see her. Luke decided he wasn't even going to tell her because he didn't want to break her focus. The old space pirate was sure she wasn't too busy to see him, but he was even more sure that he wasn't getting the full story. Had she moved on? The good man in him wanted to be happy for her, but in all reality the thought of her with another man was unbearable. His only hope was the sense of excited anticipation he sensed in Luke and Chewie on the subject. But this was nowhere near enough hope to drive away all his doubt


	6. Chapter 6

As a man who had looked death in the eye and laughed on countless occasions, he would have never thought he would find himself terrified to see a woman again, a particularly small woman at that. His eyes constantly surveyed the sea of people, searching for the only person he truly wanted to see. A couple people gave him wary looks, almost as if they had seen a ghost. In a way they had.

They were at a ceremony in honor of those who died during the war. They even made a statue. The irony didn't escape war veteran.

A gentle hand grasped his shoulder, "Han relax. She probably won't have time to find us until after the ceremony." Luke said as if it was a reassurance.

Jerking away from Luke's hand, Han turned to face him. Pointing an accusing finger towards Luke's chest Han growled, "But you said she was going to come see you beforehand!"

Han's demeanor hardly had an effect on the Jedi, if anything it just amused him. "No, I said she was going to _try_. She isn't as punctual as she uses to be." Han didn't miss the smirk Luke gave Chewie, as if it was some inside joke he wasn't a part of.

Just as he opened his mouth, the voice he longed to hear filled the square. Han spun around. His memories did not do him justice. Her figure had more curves, the angles of her face slightly more pronounced, what use to flowing locks of long hair now ended at her shoulder. She seemed to have traded in her light toned wardrobe for a much dark one. But she was still Leia. She was still beautiful, bold and brave. She was still the girl who could face Vader without flinching. She was still the girl that chocked Jabba Hutt. She was still the girl that told him she loved him right before he was lowered into a metal prison. She was still the girl that had promised to take his hand in marriage. She was still the girl that held his heart. But at the same time she wasn't. At the same time, she was a complete stranger.

He could see her dark eyes scanning the audience. As to who she looking for, he brother was the obvious answer, but a darker part of him believed it was for another lover. He longed for her to look at him, but at the same time he desperately wanted to hide from her. Watching her now, he could admire her beauty, remember her love, cherish it. Once she saw him he could no longer pretend nothing had changed. He was scared to see her reaction. Once she saw him it could never be undone. He would have to learn the painful truth that she most likely moved on. Never again would he be able to openly admire her fine features, because she wouldn't be his to admire.

Although he wasn't listening to a word she was saying, his ears registered the silence as her speech came to an abrupt halt. Leia's large brown eyes met his. He saw her jaw go slack and the color drain from her skin. After her face betrayed her initial shock, she collected herself, once again became unreadable. Her emotions locked deep away. To Han's disappointment she abruptly tore her eyes from his. The sound of her voice filled the square once more. She finished her speech with her eyes fixed on some far away point in the distance, not daring another look in his direction.

Han's body suddenly felt heavy, as if disappointment was a tangible thing capable of bearing weight. Was that her simple way of rejecting his presence? He still couldn't manage to take his eyes off of her as she made her way off stage. Half way down the steps she paused. He saw her still pale face light up. A man met her half way. A man with a child. Her smile only widening, Leia accepted the little girl placing a kiss on her forehead The girl giggled and wrapped her arms around Leia's neck.

 _A child. Leia had a child._ Not only had she moved on, but started a family with another man. Something they only dared to dream of. A child. _Leia's_ child.

Han felt his stomach clench, as if he was physically going to be sick. It was worse than he was prepared for. He couldn't face her, or _them._ It didn't matter that she had seen him, he had to get out. His body lurched backwards as he began shoving threw the crowd. He was distantly aware of the voices yelling after him, but he couldn't go back.

Luckily his feet knew the direction of the Falcon because his mind would have never found it. Even the Falcon didn't feel as much like home as it used to.

 _We fell in love on this ship, she's a part of what makes the Falcon home._

The more he thought about the worse it was, the farther he sunk into his hole of grief. Leia had moved on. Logically it wasn't fair to hate and resent her for it, Han was believed to be dead. But Han wasn't thinking logically. If Han had actually died he would want Leia to find happiness, not wallow in grief the rest of her life. She had enough things to grieve about. But in that scenario he wasn't supposed to be around to see it actually happen. That's just his famous Solo luck, when you manage to escape death so many times, your life turns to hell to make up for it. Is it possible to become too good at escape death?

He knew he never deserved him. Who would have thought a princess and a guy like him? Absurd. Her husband was probably some sort of prince or important government official. Either way Leia was probably relieved she didn't have to talk to him, she would have no reason to want to talk to some lowlife smuggler.

It wasn't her fault really. She was young, who was he kidding she probably was never really in love with him in the first place. She sure as hell didn't wait long to move on. Maybe she was falling for the other man before Han's alleged death, never even getting the chance to actually break it off with him. In the back of his mind he knew that this wasn't some portside chick, this was Leia he was talking about. She wouldn't do something like that to him. But the little girl wasn't a baby that's for sure, which meant Leia didn't grieve for him too long.

The brooding pilot settled down in the galley, his thoughts turning darker and darker. His hand gripping a large glass of ale as if it was a lifeline, having every intention of making the world he had only just been reintroduced to disappear.


	7. Chapter 7

Leia navigated as quickly as she could through the large crowd, trying to resist the urge to start shoving people out of the way. "You must be really excited to see Uncle Lukie and Uncle Chewie, Mama," Hana observed as she bounced along in Leia's arms.

"Of course, baby, aren't you?" Leia asked, slowing her pace, for a moment forgetting she was carrying precious cargo. The little girl gave her mother a goofy grin and enthusiastically shook her head.

Leia's heart was racing. Either she finally lost her slippery hold on reality or she really did see him. Han. Her brain couldn't even process the information. For the first time in a long time she had hope. Hope that he wasn't really gone, as if by some miracle he had survived that fateful day. Hope that she hadn't dared to dream of in years. Hope.

Reaching the opening where her family stood she pulled up short. It felt like all the wind was knocked out of her. Hana slipped out of her hands and ran over to tackle her favorite Wookie, unaware of her mother's plight. Leia's knees began to shake, it was too much, it was all too much. A wave of grief came crashing down on her. How dare she let herself believe. How could she let herself be such an idiot?

 _Han is dead. And nothing will ever bring him back._

Her walls where caving in, just as violently as the first time. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her just as her legs gave way. Keeping her afloat as the sea of emotions tried to drowned her. "Leia, shhhhh don't cry." She heard a voice whisper in her ear, but it was the wrong voice and the wrong arms. Luke had always been a good friend and brother, but he never really knew how to comfort her.

"I can't do this anymore." Her voice came out as a raspy whisper. There wasn't enough air on the galaxy to fill her lungs. She hid her face in her brother's shoulder. Ignoring the fact that she was having a breakdown in front of half the planet. It was her golden rule. Never show weakness, never EVER cry where wandering eyes could see. Han was the only exception to that rule. He always knew how to calm her down.

Sometimes on her worse nights, she would close her eyes and try to pretend like he was still there, remember his strong, nightmare-melting arms. The way his work calloused hands could be so tender and gentle, tracing small circles on her back and stroking her hair. The way he would plant kisses along her forehead, quietly mumbling soothing sentiments. And most of all those big hazel eyes that always managed to pull her back to reality. Sometimes it would work, and just for a moment she felt a little less alone, Han's ghost soothing her for a mere second. But all too soon reality would come crashing down and making her feel far worse than she already did.

"I…I…saw…" the words stuck in her throat; she didn't recognize the scratchy cry that must have been her voice.

"Shhh…shhh..shhh…," Luke hushed her, "Don't cry Leia, it was real. He was here, Leia. _Han was here."_ It took a moment for the words to set in and even longer for her legs to stop shaking.

"Where, where is he?" she whispered, not trusting her own voice. A thousand questions raced through her head, making her light headed. Using Luke for support she stood us straight, trying to feign dignity.

"Probably at the Falcon, he looked like he was gonna be sick. Down worry I'm sure he still wants to see you." Her brother's voice came in an excited rush.

"But…how?" She whispered, as if by voicing the question it could somehow make the whole scenario untrue.

"It's a long story, but basically the Imps got him and froze him in carbonite again, but for years this time." Luke explained, watching an expression of horror spread across his sister's face. A sense of urgency laced his words, "Go to him, Leia, Chewie and I will stay with Hana at the apartment till you return."

Leia nodded, swallowing the lump welling up in her throat. She couldn't help but noticed the on lookers faces. Making a point to hold her head high, she gave her daughter a quick explanation and a kiss on the cheek, followed by a soft grin in Chewbacca's direction. She felt lighter than she had in a long time. She felt whole again. Soon Leia would be able look on his face, see the sweet love in his hazel eyes. She could feel his warm body against her own. She could even see that damn smirk he wore all too well.

But she wasn't completely weightless, still anchored by worries. _Carbonite. Five years of it._ She was obviously concerned for his health, scared she would find his unconscious body on the fresher floor or worse. Even if he was feeling better, it had been five years. What if during his imprisonment he came to the conclusion he didn't love her anymore? What if he simply left the ceremony because he didn't want to see her anymore? What if he did like the person she was five years later? What if he wasn't ready to be a father? What if he didn't want the commitment of a child? Somewhere in the recesses of her brain she knew this was Han she was thinking about, he would never do that, not to her or their daughter. Unfortunately, the quiet logical voice in the back of her mind was easily hushed by the screams of worry that threatened to make her head explode.

Her mind was racing fast, but her legs where racing faster. Before she had time to compose herself in the slightest she was standing in front of the familiar freighter. Taking deep breath, started up the ramp into the belly of the Millennium Falcon.

Her only companion was the sound of her pounding heart.


	8. Chapter 8

The world seemed to move in slow motion. Leia was aware of every breath, every heartbeat; they were loud enough to be heard on Tatooine. She walked slowly, almost as if she didn't trust the floor to support her weight. It didn't take her long to find him, causally leaning against the small counter in the galley, his back to her. For a moment all she could do was stare. She had seen him from afar, but only now that he was right before her eyes did she let her heart fully believe he was alive. He wasn't going to disappear into thin air.

She stood in the doorway just watching him. She could see his back expand with each inhale, acting as a confirmation of the life that flows within him. She admired his broad shoulders and tall frame. He was perhaps a bit thinner than she remembered, but that was understandable after such a long time frozen, unmoving. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she gazed at the back of his head. Despite her teasing, she loved that he was a bit 'scruffy looking'. She loved how his thick chestnut hair never quite laid flat, as if it was having a small rebellion on its own. It only added to his roguish charm. Leia always used to run her fingers through it at every chance she got. More often than not meriting an inappropriate comment out of her favorite spacer.

Those memories seemed so distant, a life time ago. But there she was only steps away from having it all back in her life once more. As she stood in the door way, fairly sure the pilot wasn't aware of her presence yet, she contemplated her next move. A good part of her wanted to run and hug him from behind, feel the warmth she had been missing for so many years, be able to breath in the scent that was uniquely Han. But then again Han never took well to surprises, most likely due to the fact that for the majority of his life a surprise was always a negative experience. On the other hand, she wanted to see his face. The way his eyes would light up, his big grin. She wouldn't miss it for the world.

She settled on a more ration approach and gently called out his name. It tasted like honey as it rolled off her tongue. She had spent so many years of avoiding the slightest mention of three letter word, fearing the pain it would undoubtedly provoke. Now she felt like shouting it.

Han's shoulders visibly tensed, but his only other response was picking up his glass and taking a long sip of ale. She faltered, taking a tentative step forward she spoke a little louder just in case he didn't hear her. Her voice went up at the end as if it was a question. "Han?"

No response, but his posture remained visibly tense. The princess's blood began to boil _._

 _Five years and this is what I get? Impossible man._

Balling her tiny hands into fits, she stood up straighter, fueled by anger she took two large strides forward. "Han! Would you at least look at me?!"

The Corellian lazily sat his drink back down, and with an exaggerated effort finally turned around to face the angry princess. He leaned back causally against the counter, resting his elbows on its edge. His stance would have fooled anyone who didn't know him as well, but Leia could see the tension beneath his nonchalant façade.

"We look at that her High and Mightiness coming to visit the common folk. What do I do the honor, your Worship?" he sneered.

Leia felt her throat beginning to close. His words where cold and cynical. She couldn't remember another instance since Hoth that he had used her titles for anything other than to affectionately tease her.

"Han…?" Her voice came out soft. Barely more than a whisper, she was suddenly very unsure of the man she stood in front of.

"Yes, that IS my name. How kind of you to remember!" He raised his eyes brows, emphasizing each syllable, it could have been teasing if the cold look in his eye and the nasty edge in his voice.

"Han… your drunk," Leia tried to justify, but she has seen Han drunk before and he never behaved in such a manner. Inappropriately? Sure. Goofily? That was a given. But never ever had he been cruel no matter how wasted he was.

"Nah sweetheart, I'm just celebrating life." Was Han's cynical retort.

This was far worse than Hoth. On Hoth, there was always an underlying cause, a reason for the tension to turn into their famous shouting matches, now there was none.

"Han… what happened to you?" Her words where still quiet, but insistent. She resisted the urge to scream at him until he came to his senses.

"Well Princess it has occurred to me that the exchange rate for saving one princess happens to be a life time of trouble." His eyes where cold and unreadable. He was standing right in front of her, but he was parsecs away, his heart seemed to still be frozen in carbonite.

"Han… don't do this." It was the closest thing she would come to a plea. Leia was struggling to maintain her composure; she didn't want it to turn into a shouting match. They never got anywhere that way.

"Oh, I'm sorry Princess, I forgot we are all supposed to do as you say. Always where kinda bossy weren't ya?"

Not able to hold back any longer, all of her hurt and anger came crashing down in one big destructive tidal wave. She was absolutely livid.

"You egotistical self-indulged nerfherder!" Leia bellowed glaring up at Han, suddenly remembering why it took her three years to admit feelings for the space pirate. She was beginning to wonder why she got involved in the first place.

"Wow, Sweetheart that lacked creativity, you've lost your edge!" sneered Han finally relinquishing his relaxed stance to stand in front of her, looming over her as if his height ever intimidated Leia before.

"I did NOT lose _anything._ It only took me five years to realize it!" She screamed glaring up at him. Leia had had enough. This wasn't the man she came to see. And it most certainly wasn't the man she came to love. Swiftly turning around, she marched toward the exit.

Not to be out done, Han shouted storming after her, "So soon? But we were only just blessed with your royal presence!"

She turned around, of her anger quickly dissipating only to be replaced with crushing sadness. Setting her lip in a tight line, looking him dead in the eye. Leia spoke as she would in front of the Senate, clear and purposefully, void of emotion.

"There is no we, Han Solo." It was fleeting, but just for a moment she thought she saw a flicker of emotion. Regret. The ghost of the man she once knew, as elusive as in her dreams.

Then she walked away not giving him any time for a rebuttal. She didn't want to argue anymore. The last royal heir to the crown of Alderaan didn't need to spend any more time chasing the ghost of her past.


	9. Chapter 9

She was cold, almost as if her body's temperature regulator decided it want to become a permanent resident on Hoth. It wasn't a particularly cold evening, she thought as she walked home, even despite her wearing a dress. She still felt cold, as if her core was made of ice and it slowly radiated the frozen tundra to the rest of her body. Leia was just cold. It was the most feelings her mind could handle. It was as if everything else was too much to handle so she just shut off, encompassing the familiar façade of the ice princess, she knew all too well.

When her emotions shut down, Leia thought it would be a relief or at least an effective coping strategy. Instead she just felt cold. She opened the door to her home quietly, Hana would surely already be in bed. As she slipped her shoes off, she heard her brother call to her from the other room.

"Leia? You're home early… Is Han with you?"

"No." She responded passively as she walked into the room. Chewie and Luke were lounging in front of the holo watching an old movie. Turning off the holo projector, Luke went to stand with his sister, followed closely behind by Chewbacca.

"Oh? Where is he?" Luke asked, trying to decipher his sister's distance.

"Hopefully drinking himself to death on that garbage can he calls a ship!" She whispered her nose wrinkling as she fought an onslaught of returning emotions, shedding the numbness of the ice princess. "No offense, Chewie." She added as an afterthought. The massive Wookie waved his paw dismissively, almost as if he agreed. The Princess-turned-General on any other given day would have found the his reaction amusing.

"Leia? What happened?" Luke questioned, his face slackened with clear shock by her response.

"That man is not the man I loved. He was so cruel, I didn't recognize him." Her voice was quiet, she didn't trust it. Chewie gently wrapped his arms around her small frame. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in the Wookie's chest, willing herself not to cry, not in front of them. She had already lost control once that day.

"Leia, I'm sure Han didn't mean in." Luke meant well, but his voice was a mix of confusion and sadness.

"It wasn't Han, he is different. You did hear him Luke, he _hates_ me." Leia spoke quietly, almost as if by vocalizing the truth, it would seal it in fate.

"Leia…"

"No Luke, I am fine. I've made it this long without him. This just makes it a lot simpler." She detangled herself from Chewbacca's arms, standing a little taller than normal.

"Maybe Chewie and I can talk to him-" Luke began his forehead wrinkling in concentration, formulating a plan.

"Do NOT get involved Luke Skywalker. I want nothing more to do with that vile man. And you are going to respect my decision." Leia insisted with an air of finality in her voice.

"What about Hana?" Luke dared to ask, he eyes soft, as if just coming to terms with his twin's anguish.

"If he is going to behave in such a manner then I do not want him involved in my daughter's life. No father is better than a terrible one." Leia stared her brother down, silently daring him to challenge her. They never saw eye to eye when it came to their family heritage.

"Leia, he has the right to know." Luke almost plead, desperate for any way to patch up the situation.

"That is not the same man. The Han I loved would want what is best for our daughter, I have every right to keep it from him for Hana's sake."

Chewie looked down at the princess, the dark reality weighing in his soulful eyes. The Wookie let out a soft grumble, woefully informing Leia he would respect her wishes. After a moment Luke nodded as well, a defeated look in his eyes.

"Just so we are clear, under no circumstance are you tell Han about Hana. It is not your information to give." Leia stated with authority, despite the exhaustion in her voice.

"But Leia, he is going to figure out that you have a child." Luke brought up, reluctantly.

"He already seems to have a low opinion of me. Let him think what he wants." Leia sighed, "I am going to bed, you can see yourselves out." Just as she was about to exit the room, she turned and looked at them, gone was her anger and authority. It was replaced by a look of deep sadness and defeat, "Please, respect my wishes, if only for Hana."

And then she was gone, into the safety of her lonesome bed chambers


	10. Chapter 10

Leia quickly peeled the beautiful dress off her body, as if removing the dress would somehow remove the emotions of the day. She was cold. Her entire body was shaking like a leaf in the wind. She dug out an old pair of leggings from her closet and put them on. It was the pair with the paint smudge on the right thigh and the hole in the knee. She had worn them the day they repainted Hana's room as a surprise for her 3rd birthday. The walls of the apartment had all been so white, the young girl found it ever so boring. On her birthday the young girl woke to find that her bed had been moved into the living room, while she was still asleep on it, courtesy of Chewie and Luke. Leia had managed to snap a picture of her daughter's face when she came bursting into her bedroom. The young girl had never looked so excited. It was one of Leia's favorite pictures. The entire Rogue Squadron was there, in matching overalls no less. At that point it had been questionable whether the walls or the painters had more paint on them. It had taken Chewie weeks to get the bright blue paint out of his thick Wookie fur, not that he cared. It was a good day, Hana hadn't stopped talking about it for weeks. The memory always brought a smile to Leia's lips, probably why she kept the leggings.

Leia rummaged through her closet for a top to sleep in. After a moment of contemplation, she settled on her favorite sleeping sweatshirt. It had been one Han had given her on the flight to Bespin. It was a faded gray, the sleeves were frayed, the emblem on the front was nearly completely rubbed off, but it was still her favorite. It had been a long time since it smelled like him, but it was still comforting, almost if it brought her a little closer to him as she endured long lonely nights.

The sweatshirt reminded her of the old Han, the real Han. Not the Han she saw today, she didn't recognize him. On the outside he was Han in every sense. His hair, his body, his face, even the scar on his chin. But he wasn't Han. Everything that made him the Han that haunted her dreams was gone, replaced by something malicious. His playful manner, his secretly golden heart, his roguish charm. All gone, as if they were never there in the first place. The worse part were his eyes. She loved his eyes, how their color seemed to change with his mood. More green when he was playful and mischievous. Always warning Leia that she was in for a thrill ride. Darker tones, rich browns, meant he was serious, they showed her cared he loved her, he wanted her. Sometimes when he was especially worried, she could even see gold flecks dancing among the sea of brown and green. They were so beautiful and so uniquely Han. But not today. Today they were cold, a dull dark gray-green she had never seen before. He wasn't Han; he couldn't be.

The tears started to flow down her cheeks, hot against her cold skin. She curled up in a ball on their bed, too big for one person. Her body shook violently, sobs painfully rocking it. She cried and cried, to the point of physical pain, in a way it felt good, it was better than the mental turmoil.

The door cracked open, followed by the light patter of feet, then a shift of the bed as a small weight crawled up its edge. "Mama, why are you crying?" A small voice questioned.

Leia sat up, feverishly trying to whip the tears from her face. "I'm sorry, darling did I wake you?"

The little girl scooted closer wrapping her small arms around her mother's waste. "Uncle Chewie said that he had a friend staying with him. And that.. That you went to visit him." The girl recounted, as if putting the puzzle pieces together. "Did... did...did Uncle Chewie's friend make you cry?"

Leia wrapped her arms around her precious daughter, inhaling deeply she explained, "It's not anyone's fault. Sometimes I get sad when I think about my past. But then I start to think about all the good things in my life and I don't cry anymore."

Hana nodded solemnly, "I'm sorry Mama, I don't like it when your sad."

"I know, baby, but is a part of life. I just have to remember all of the wonderful people in my life, like my beautiful daughter, and then I'm not sad anymore." Leia explained, placing a kiss on the little girl's temple. "I love you, Hana Breha."

"I love you too, Mama!" Hana smiled, cuddling closer to her mother, "Can I sleep here tonight, Mama?"

"Sure, darling." Leia whispered, as she watched the little girl drift to sleep in her arms. Leia felt lighter. Han, may not be the man she remembered, but he had given her a greatest blessing in her life. Today would make it easier, Leia decided. It was closure, the man she loved was truly gone, maybe now she could finally move on. It wasn't like she needed that scoundrel in her life, she had plenty of other things in her life that made it worth living.

Leia looked down at the sleeping figure in her arms. The little girl didn't know it, but she had saved her mother many times, even before she was born. Hana continued to be the most important thing in Leia's life. She motivated Leia to make the world the safest place for her daughter to grow up in. She strived to be the best role model in the young girl's impressionable eyes. Nearly everything Leia had done, since she found out there was life growing inside her was for her daughter. To make sure she would never face the atrocity Leia did at such a young age, to make sure she was loved and cared for. To make sure that she understood that bad things happen, but the wounds they inflicted would eventually heal.

Someday Leia would explain her past and tell the Hana about her ancestry. It was a part of who they where, but it didn't define them. She would explain that bad things sometimes happened to good people. And that some people just had a darkness inside them that they couldn't escape. When Hana was older, Leia would tell her everything. Why Leia cries at night, what all she had lost. And Leia would tell her, she would do it all over again so her daughter could grow up without ever having to make the sacrifices her mother did. She would tell the girl in a way so she would understand, but wouldn't be frightened.

When the little girl asked about her father, Leia would explain how Hana's father was a hero. That he couldn't be with them because he died trying to make the world a better place, but just because he was gone did mean that her didn't love Hana. He loved her very much and would be very proud of her. As far as Leia was concerned, it was the truth. Most of Leia really did believe it, but there was a small part of her that wished, prayed that the real Han was still there. That he was going to come back to them. That her daughter was going to have the father she deserved. That Han would be there to help Leia explain all that has happened to them, when the time came. It was probably wishful thinking.

As Leia pondered the future, she slowly succumbed to the gentle pull of sleep, her entire world resting in her arms.


	11. Chapter 11

Luke relished the feeling the ice cold water as it touched his lips and trickled down his throat. The hanger was alive with the sounds of chatter, starting engines, and the occasional beep of droids. He had always enjoyed watching a hustle and bustle of the hanger. It was relaxing in a sense, familiar. Chewbacca drained his glass in one gulp before settling on the crate next to Luke. They sat in a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. At least until a loud bang came from inside the Falcon, causing them both to jump slightly. It was followed by a distinctly Corellian shout and string of profanity. Needless to say the passed week had not been a good one.

"Chewie what are we gonna do?" Luke sighed. The Wookiee growled in frustration. It had been a week since the two fought on the Falcon. The details were still hazy for Luke and Chewie, but they knew it was one of the couple's worst. From the minute they left Leia's apartment that night, Luke and Chewie had made an unspoken agreement to do everything in their power to make the estranged lovers see eye to eye. Perhaps they were a little rusty, or they had forgotten they were dealing with the two most stubborn people in the galaxy, but things had not been going well.

Leia seemed to do what she always did when things got rough, she threw herself into her work to the point of exhaustion. The only person she ever had time for was Hana; even her brother fell victim to Leia's agitation. The Jedi kept trying to get trying to subtly suggest that Leia should give Han a second chance, but stubborn as ever, Leia refused to go anywhere near the captain. In fact, she refused to partake in any conversations that had the slightest bit to do with him. The more Luke brought it up the farther Leia pushed him away. The last two days she refused to speak to him all together. It had gotten to the point Luke had to comm Rion to make sure everything was alright.

Chewie was hardly having any better luck with Han. The smuggler was never one to open up about his feelings, and his perpetual bad mood only made it worse. He refused to admit that the situation even bothered him. Chewie could barely get Han to leave the Falcon, let alone go anywhere near Leia. All it seemed like he wanted to do was yell at inanimate hunks of metal and make up for five years of lost work on his beloved ship.

Chewbacca broke Luke's train of thought, commenting about how in a way their behavior was similar to Hoth, just with more at stake. On the frozen ice ball, their fights were legendary; when things started to escalate they could be heard from clear across the base. Legend has it the power of their outrages once caused an avalanche on one of the snowy peaks near the base. One of them always seemed to push things a little too far, but would be too proud to apologize. The smitten hotheads would go weeks without talking after particularly bad battles of wits, only communicating heated glances until one of them would break the oath of silence.

"Remember how the Rogue Squadron would have betting pools on relationship and then would force them into ridiculous situations in an attempt to get them together?" Luke smirked. The Rogue Squadron where great pilots, that is when they remembered there was more to their job then being the official base matchmakers. Things often got out of hand, but they always managed to liven up the base. As the story goes they once even made the stone faced Mon Mothma smile. Chewie smiled fondly at the memories, oddly enough things were simpler in those days.

Luke suddenly hopped of his crate, eyes wide, an boyish grin spreading across his face. "Chewie! I've got an idea!"


	12. Chapter 12

Leia was beginning to have second thoughts about her plans for the evening. All she really wanted to do was cuddle up in bed and escape the world, but she knew better than that. As soon as she closed her heavy eyelids she would find the unconscious world to be much worse than the one she left. Not to mention she was starting to feel a little guilty. She knew her brother meant well, but he continued to push farther and farther. So naturally she started to avoid him, which wasn't fair to Luke. After all he was only doing what he thought was best for her. So when her brother invited her for Sabacc night, she begrudgingly agreed.

Leia had a strong suspicion Han was going to be there. Luke wouldn't give her the guest list, only promising it wasn't a lot of people, which confirmed it. She was fighting an internal battle. She desperately wanted to avoid her ex-fiancé, it was just easier that way. The problem with that was that all of the free time she hadn't managed to fill up was consumed by thoughts of him. Most of them a battle between wanting to hate him and wanting him to cradle her in his and never let go. The other part of her was curious and filled with cautious doubt. This part of her didn't quite believe the drunk Han she argued with on the Falcon was a true testament of who he was. That part of her still had hope. If Leia had learned anything in her life it was that hope was a dangerous game to play. It could give her the motivation to carry on, but it could also make the fall so much worse. Because there was always a fall. Everything good always was temporary, or the price for it was high it made her wonder if it was even worth it in the first place.

Ultimately she had decided to go. She was never one to back down and would certainly not be driven away by the presence of Han Solo. After all she would have to face him again at some point, so why put off the inevitable. Of course, the whole setting her jaw and facing whatever comes next story would be a lot more convincing if she wasn't already a half hour late and most likely looking like she was just dragged behind an AT-AT. Her hair was hopelessly falling out of its short braid, but she didn't have the ambition to attempt to tame it. She had a loose gray shirt that went to her mid thigh on with a pair of leggings underneath. And to top it all off a pair of sneakers that had seen their better days. All put together it was what Chewie had affectionately dubbed her 'mom look.'

She could hear laughter and talking as she approached the door. Giving the door three loud knocks, she let herself in after hearing Luke shout to come in. It wasn't hard locate the boisterous crew all gathered around the coffee table in the living room. As soon as she entered the room her heart went into overdrive; she could hear its incessant drone pounding at the base of her skull. _He was there_. She hated how even now he had the effect on her. Leia's palm began to sweat. On either end of the makeshift card table where two large reclining chairs currently taken by two members of the Rogue Squadron, Hobbie and Wes. Luke and Wedge lounged in the two person loveseat, while Chewbacca and Han sat on the couch across from it. Leaving the only seat open next the one person in the room she desperately wanted to avoid. As if just realizing the only seat next available was next to him, Han surveyed the room almost frantically before letting out an annoyed sigh and moving closer to his co-pilot. Although there was more than enough room for Leia to sit there and avoid any and all contact with the pilot she still hesitated.

"Well come on no need to by shy! Take a seat I've gotta kick Antilles ass at cards again!" hooted Wes Janson slouching a little lower in his seat, a satisfied smirk gracing his features. Of course they probably planned this. Back in the day, the Rogue Squadron had a habit of getting Han and Leia into increasingly ridiculous situations, as if it would somehow spark a romance. Much to Leia's dismay, rumor had it they even had quite successful betting pools going for the situation.

"Hey! At least I don't blubber on like a little baby when I loose!" retorted Wedge as Leia took a seat. She strategically placed herself as close to the armrest as she could get, leaving nearly enough room for another full grown human in between them.

Han made a point to lean over and whisper loudly to his partner, "Some guys night, huh." His tone was annoyed, as if her presence was enough to ruin his whole night. For all she knew maybe it was. She shot him her best 'if looks could kill' glare, but he seemed determined to avoid her gaze.

"Nah, that's Luke you're thinking of!" piped Wes, drawing Leia's attention back to the conversation. She was nothing if not determined to have a pleasurable evening, despite the man who was only an arm's length away.

Any comeback Luke came up with was lost in laughter. The Rogue Squadron could be slightly overbearing at times, but Leia did appreciate their company. They always seemed to bring a smile to her face, even in the darkest of times.

"Hey Leia? Where is our favorite little princess?!" questioned the slightly intoxicated Wes.

"At home with Rion, I know better than to bring her to hang around this crowd," Leia teased, Hana may have lost her father, but she never had a shortage of uncles. The Rogue Squadron adored the little girl, always begging for Leia to bring her down to the hanger bay.

The room erupted with laughter for the second time, as Wes let out an exaggerated huff and crossed his arms, pretending to pout. Leia didn't miss the way Han uncomfortably shifted in his seat, the conversation clearly taking a turn into dangerous territory on his eyes.

"That girl is gonna be the best damn pilot in the galaxy some day!" Wedge exclaimed.

"She can be whatever she wants, as long as it makes her happy." Leia cooed, a proud grin spreading across her face. The way Han quietly fiddled with thumbs, eyes not daring to look up only added to Leia's satisfaction.

Luke opened his mouth as if he wanted to add the object but quickly closed it, thinking better of it. It had become a rather heated subject between the siblings. Luke had insisted that Hana train to be a jedi, but Leia was dead set on letting her daughter choose the path she took.

Han once again leaned over the his Wookiee companion and whispered another snide comment. Leia didn't quite catch it, but was certain it was a rude remark about her daughter. Han being oblivious to the fact that Hana had inherited her love of flying from her father.

It bothered Leia more than she cared to admit. He could be as harsh as her wanted to her, but when it came to her daughter Leia was more than a little protective. He was only making the comments to get under Leia's skin, but he didn't even know Hana. He had no right say anything about her. He wasn't allowed to form opinions on the girl he had never met. Without knowing it her gave up that right, the day he decided to revert back to being the cynical smuggler from his past.

"It's been too long since you've brought her down to visit us." Decided Hobbie.

"Yeah! You should bring her down tomorrow!" Grinned Wedge, as he strummed his fingers on the arm of the couch.

Leia hesitated. If she brought Hana down there it would be nearly impossible to avoid Han meeting her, given the young girl's love of the Millennium Falcon. "Pleasseeeee!" Chimed in Wes for good measure.

"Well I have some work to do in the morning, but maybe after lunch." Leia answered, it was a safe enough way to avoid the situation.

"How typical," snarked Han, loud enough for the entire room to hear. Leia rolled her eyes and in a spur of the moment decision, aimed a well place elbow in the smuggler's ribcage. It wasn't exactly how she had pictured their first touch in years to be, oddly enough it didn't give her the satisfaction she expected it would. Han let out a yelp, more out of surprise than anything. Rubbing his sore ribcage, he turned to glare at her. His eyes weren't as hard as she was expecting. They were annoyed, but also a little confused, as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of the women sitting next to him. "Easy your worship…" he murmured, turning away, evidently done trying to figure out who he was looking at.

The room was too quiet, all eyes trained on the Corellian and the only woman in the room. "Well lets play some Sabacc…" suggested Luke, trying to break up the silent tension in the air.

The rest of the night went by with little incident. Even the Rogue Squadron seemed out of ideas when it came to Han and Leia. The princess and the pirate continued sitting as far away from each as possible. After the loose elbows exchange, the pair didn't say another word to each other, in fact they seldomly added to the conversation at all.

Although the night would most likely drag well into the morning hours, Leia was bone dead tired. Standing up, she announced her departure. Only pausing to address the complaints that arose.

"Come on, Leia, it's not even that late!" argued Hobbie.

"Yes, but I have to work in the morning." countered Leia, an amused smile playing at her features.

"Pssshhh you're no fun anymore." Groaned Wes.

"Goodnight everybody." Leia smiled, looking around the room. On their own accord, she found her eyes resting on Han Solo. To her shock, she found his eyes unguardedly staring at her, looking slightly lost, maybe even a little dejected. He only maintained eye contact for a moment, but when his eyes left hers, Leia feeling a little lost herself.


	13. Chapter 13

Han laid flat on his back, messing with some wires behind one of the Falcon's many panels. He didn't need to be doing all of the rewiring of the Falcon, but it was his way of getting a handle on his life. The Falcon was always his, Chewie had done a stellar job taking care of it in his absence, but Han couldn't stand the feeling of being unfamiliar with his ship. The work was rather therapeutic for him. He felt like since he had returned he didn't have control over anything in his life anymore, the Falcon was the one thing he still had a handle on. At first it annoyed Chewie, but he quickly realized it wasn't that Han didn't trust his work, he just needed to become reacquainted with his ship.

The wires were perfectly fine to begin with, but now that Han had messed with them they didn't want to reroute properly. Disgruntled, Han stood up temporarily calling a truce with the troublesome wires. Covered in a thick layer of sweat and grease, the ship's captain made his way to the galley to find something to drink. He ran his hands through his hair, bowing his head. Not that he would admit it, but his sour mood went far beyond the walls of his aging ship.

No matter how much he threw himself into his work on the Falcon, she was in his head. She was everywhere. Every night she haunted his dreams. In them she was always unattainable, always in the arms of another faceless man. Sometimes with the young girl on her heels, sometimes not, but she was never alone. Always wearing the same smile on her face, the one she use to save for just for him. In the dream, she would often be dancing with the other man. All the while staring at Han, taunting him with how better her life was without him.

He hated how much he thought of her. How much he still worried about her, despite the fact she clearly wanted nothing to do with him. He hated how he still saw the dark bags under her eyes, how she looked just a little too thin, her skin a little too pale. He didn't want to worry about her anymore, he didn't want to notice anymore, but it wasn't something in his control. Every fiber of his being cared too much, too late. It made him furious to think that whoever the hell her hotshot husband allowed her to remain in such a state. She still looked beautiful, but that wasn't enough. Han couldn't understand how this new man could sit by and let her blatantly neglect her health.

As Han stood musing over his glass of water, he heard the familiar footsteps of Chewbacca entering the ship. Since Han's supposed demise, Chewie had gotten into habit of wandering off the ship without really telling Han where he was headed. While Han was fairly sure, his oldest friend never went far, it still bothered him more then he would ever let on. He knew Chewie didn't mean to wander off unannounced, it was just a habit he had gotten into while Han was presumed dead. It was just one more stinging reminder of how much the world had changed in his absence.

Chewie stopped briefly to give Han a gruff hello, before continuing into the cockpit, almost as his it was perfectly normal for Chewie give small children rides into the cockpit. Perched on the towering Wookiee's shoulders was Leia's little creature. She had to duck down in order to avoid hitting her head on the top of the ship, her tiny hand holding on either side of the Wookiee's furry head. Chewie's massive paws gently held onto the girl's feet, ensuring she didn't fall.

"Hey! Now wait a minute you can't take her in there!" Han growled storming after his best friend. Chewie only gave him a dismissive grunt. Han slumped against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "My own ship, no one listen to me." he grumbled to himself.

"Well that's nothing new. Don't worry Han, it's not like she hasn't been in there before," mused Leia, overhearing the sour pilot's comment, as she followed the pair into the cockpit. Han's only response was to look up long enough to give her an annoyed glare.

 _Great, she's here too, just what I need._

Leia stopped walking, an amused look crossing her face. "Honestly, Han does anything in this rust bucket work?" teased the former princess as she eyed Han's unkempt appearance.

Pushing away from the wall, Han snapped, "Well your mouth never seems to stop running, that count?"

Leia just rolled her eyes, making her way around Han to join the small gathering in the cockpit. Han stood there glaring at the space where the petite women had just stood. His chest rose and fell rapidly, as he tried to control his frustrating. Once his breath slowed he debated on what to do. He could go find something to work on on the opposite side of the small ship, but it's not like he would be able to concentrate. On the other hand, he very well couldn't go join the small party in the control room of his ship.

 _I'm not even welcome on my own ship._

Han found himself leaning against the door frame of the cockpit. Successfully observing, but not participating. Chewie sat in the only seat big enough for the Wookiee. Leia's child sat in the captain's seat. _His seat._ Leia took the seat behind the little girl, leaning forward to assist if needed. Han watched as the little girl pointed out the uses for all of the gears and levers, earning praise from her mother and adopted uncle. Han couldn't help but be impressed by the young girl's knowledge of the Falcon. _His ship._

It hurt more than he would have expected, watching the scene before his eyes. That should have been his family. He should be the proud father, teaching his daughter the ins and outs of the ship she would surely someday inherit. He yearned for it, as if it a physical force pulling at his ribcage. But it wasn't his family, and what a beautiful family it was. Instead he was an outcast, an on looker.

He couldn't really hate the little girl, how could he? At that age he was just as eager to learn about spaceships. Not that was an easy endeavor with his raising, or lack thereof. It didn't help that when he looked at the little girl the first word his mind registered was 'cute.' The little girl looked very similar to how he imagined Leia would have looked at that age. Except, the girl's hair was a little lighter and her eyes weren't the right color. The little girl's wide eyes where more of a light green/brown color as opposed to Leia's dark chocolate brown ones.

It would be some much easier to move on if he could simply despise the kid, but instead all the young girl's innocent smile invoked in Han was a fierce jealousy of whatever man got to claim the family as his own. He didn't want to watch, but he couldn't turn away. Seeing the way Leia gently interacted and encouraged her offspring was fascinating and heartbreaking.

After nearly an hour of pretending to fly the Millenium Falcon across the galaxy, Leia leaned forward and whispered something in the girl's ear Han didn't catch. The girl nodded and hopped out of the chair.

"Uncle Chewie catch me!" She melodically laughed before darting for the exit, barely glancing at Han. Chewie gave her a small head start, before letting out a playful roar and starting after the beaming child.

Leia quietly followed, pausing at the door to look at Han, there was no trace of the ever present aggression in her eyes. "Thank you for allowing us to take up so much of your time." She gave him a diplomatic nod, knowing he had been watching the entire time.

Han nodded looking at his scuffed up boots. Leia waited for more a response, when it was evident he wasn't going to give one she started down the hallway.

"Hey, Leia?"

"Yes?" She turned to look at him, surprised he used her real name.

"She seems like a good kid." Han said, his eyes not daring to leave the ground. He felt vulnerable and awkward, very aware of Leia's scrutiny.

When Han finally looked up Leia gave him a small, "She is, thank you Captain."

"What does… does your husband think… you know about you being down here…" Han stuttered, voicing the question that had been nagging since their unexpected arrival. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck not daring to look at the beautiful women in front of him.

"Han what are you talking about?" The strength and defiance in her voice, shocked Han his head jerking up to look Leia in the eye. She knitted her eyebrows, sternly staring him down.

"Well- I- the man at the ceremony?" Han frustratedly stammered. It was never easy to catch Han off guard, but Leia always seemed to accomplish the task. His eyes shifted uncomfortably, never looking at one place for more than a moment.

"You mean Rion? My _nanny?"_ Leia forced a cold laugh. Raising her eyebrows at Han, watching his reaction. He opened his mouth, then promptly shut it. Shifting from one foot to another, he obviously was trying to formulate a response.

"He seems to care about you an awful lot." Han snarked, recovering from his fumble. What he was implying was as clear as day.

Leia pursed her lips, knotting her hands into small fists. "Oh he does! So does his _fiance!_ Maybe if you weren't so busy moping around you would have known that!"

Fire set Han's eyes ablaze. Menacingly pointing a finger in her face he growled, "Well Princess life ain't so easy when everyone who use to care about me has moved on with their lives!"

"You really expect me to feel sorry for you?! You are pushing everyone who cares about you away!"

"I don't want your pity your Worship!" Han spat in disgust, as if the words themselves left a vile taste in his mouth.

"Clearly! You have made it very clear you want nothing to do with me!" Leia hissed, her small body barely able to contain the fury building up inside her. She spun around, noting wanting to be in his presence anymore.

"Thats right Princess! Go return to you perfect life! With your big wig job and perfect little family!" Han bellowed storming after her towards the exit of his ship.

Leia snapped back around, finding Han a lot closer on her heels than she expected. Unwilling to back down she glared up at him, shoving him square in the chest. "Don't you dare make assumptions about my life! You don't know anything that I've been through!" she snarled.

Surprised by the force behind the princess, Han stumbled slightly before regaining his footing. You could practically see the waves of anger boiling off of him. "I ain't stupid your highness! I can put two and two together! Life must be really rough on ya!" His voice dripped with sarcasm, trying to cover up the doubt behind his words. The bags under her eyes and her gaunt figure a clear contradiction of his words.

"You conceded bantha brain! You don't know the first thing about my life! I bet you don't even know my daughter's name!" Leia pressed her lips into a thin line, putting a defiant hand on her hip, knowing she had him cornered.

"Sure I do! Its...its...its…. Organa!" Han bluffed. He must have heard it at some point, but his mind went blank. He threw the last name in her face as if it was an insult.

"Its Hana. Hana _Solo!_ " Leia blurted out, only then did her eyes widen as if she just realized the effect of what she had said. Her eyes quickly locked on Han's face, evaluating his reaction.

Han froze. Solo. _Hana_ Solo. The hand he had been pointing accusingly in her direction flopped to his side. His face slackened, mouth hanging open. His eyes widened, staring blankly in front of him, as is his brain was trying to process too much information to calculate sight into the mix.

 _I'm a father._

Han's mind frantically tried to piece the information together, trying to playback every bit of information he had the the girl. _His_ girl. A slow smile began to creep onto his face, getting wider and wider until he was sporting his full blown goofy smile, almost too big for his face. He stayed like that unmoving, his brain trying to catch up. He felt a surge of warmth start in his chest and spread throughout his entire being.

Snapping out of his daze, he looked at Leia, the grin never leaving his face. "I'mma….a….a…. Father?!" the words came fumbling out of mouth in a jumbled mess. Leia nodded tightly, a guarded expression on her face, in stark contrast to the man in front of her.

"Leia.." he hummed taking a step towards her, to his surprise she took a step back.

"I already invited Luke and Chewie, you can see her at dinner tonight. It will give you time to…. think things over." Leia spoke in a quiet but purposeful rush, looking rather torn. Before Han could say a word she exited the room, almost as if she dissipated from thin air.

Han slumped back against the wall, slowly sliding to the floor. Trying to absorb the events of the day. His stomach already doing nervous flip flops when he thought ahead to dinner. He could hardly wait to meet Hana. _His daughter!_ But he was also all too _a_ ware of how crude he had been to Leia. He didn't even know where to begin to apologize for his behavior to her. Him a father. He had a family.

 _Who would have thought of a guy like him, a father?_


	14. Chapter 14

Han fidgeted nervously, shifting his weight between his heel and toes. He didn't like it, Han Solo was a man in his early life that prided himself about not caring about anything. Nothing scared him, he had no concerns. It was a very free life, it in many ways was a much easier way of life. In his new way of life he had more people to care about which meant more responsibility, more to lose, but he wouldn't give it up for the world. The moment the door to Leia's apartment opened his whole world was going to change. He sure as hell had no idea what he was doing. A man with Han's past was in no position to be a father. Helping to raise a child would most likely be the biggest challenge he'd ever face, and coming from Han that meant something. It was a good thing he was never one to backed down from a challenge.

The door of the apartment opened to reveal Leia. It always amazed Han how she could dress so casually and still turn heads. She wore a cream shirt with a simple pair of navy pants, yet she looked gorgeous. Her hair was tied in a loose not on top of her head. Han clenched his hand into a fist, resisting the urge to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She gave them a smile before gesturing for them to enter. Han looked around them room, greeting Luke who was propped up against the counter. It wasn't as grand of an apartment as he had imagined it to be, in fact it was rather simple and lackluster. The walls were relatively bare, save several proudly hung piece of art unmistakably done by a child. The evidence of a young child's presence was everywhere, from the abandon juice cups to the forgot toys. It gave the otherwise barren apartment a sense of home.

Hana hurtled into the room, displaying the boundless energy of a child. "Uncle Chewwwiii-" She exclaimed before realizing her hairiest relative wasn't alone. She wrapped her short arms around Leia's leg, as she stared curiously up at the man in front of her with a sense of vague recognition. The girl's almost critical eye was slightly terrifying, as if her whole opinion of Han was riding off her analysis that that moment, and Han wasn't frankly sure how he was doing. She inherited that gaze from her mother, he could have recognized it anywhere. It was a gaze that seemed to be able to see right into your very core, read your deepest thoughts and wishes, see things you didn't even know about yourself. It was a stare that was as awe worthy as it was unsettling. He gave her a lopsided grin, hoping it might somehow raise his standings.

She cocked her head ever so slightly, "Are you Uncle Chewie's friend?" Han glanced back at his companion, he didn't know what he was expecting her to say, but it wasn't that. In his limited experience children could be a lot like women: unpredictable and hard to understand.

"Uh, yeah I guess." Han mentally winced, the first words spoken to his daughter and he sounded like a blundering idiot. He glanced at Leia, but she was focused on the girl attached to her leg.

Hana gaze turned to steel, setting her jaw, her words were an accusation as much as they were a question. "Why'd you make my mama cry?"

Han blanched, his heart jumping to his throat. He eye instinctively meeting Leia's. A blush crept up her neck. Her eyes widened in surprise, and vulnerable embarrassment. "Hana!" she nearly squeaked, "That is no way to talk to a guest. You know better." She said as she ripped her gave from Han's, crouching down to look her daughter in the eye.

"But mama-"

"Shhh…" Leia hushed, her face still several hues darker than normal. "We will talk about this later, okay?" The little nodded, her eyes in downcast.

"Why don't you make sure that everyone has silverware?" Leia gave the girl a soft smile that Han could only describe as motherly. He decided it fitted her very well. Leia affectionately tugged at the end of Hana's pigtail.

"Okay!" Hana beamed, her face light up. Shooting Han a wary glance she raced away to fulfill her important mission, obviously excited to be apart of the preparation.

Leia watch the girl bounded over to the dining room before standing up, aware of Han's gaze beating down on her. Han opened his mouth, concern in his eyes. Did her really make her cry? It hurt to think he had. He knew he his behavior had been harsh, but hearing that he had put Leia in pain from an innocent bystander made it so much worse. As if Leia needed another reason to cry, this time without Han to sooth, as he longed to. He wanted the joy that always lit up her eyes when she gazed upon Hana to be permanently etched upon her face all of the time. Ironically he was part of the problem; he knew in his heart he would never deserve her. Not in a million years, would a lowlife like him deserve such a strong women as Leia. She deserved someone that could wash the tragedy away, not add to her misery.

Leia shot him a warning glare, despite the blush on her neck, her eyes remained guarded. She nodded her head tightly. It effectively silenced him, leaving unanswered questions resting uncomfortably on the tip of her tongue. "Please do be seated." she nodded toward the table.

Han sat across from his daughter. She continued to stare at him, as if she was still trying to sketch out his character. It was unnerving and a striking resemblance to his mother.

 _Why do I feel like I am going to spend the rest of my life being told what to do by these two?_

The thought made him smirk. He was probably the only man in the galaxy to be scared of his own daughter's scrutiny. Despite, her nerve racking gave, Han felt heartfelt excitement bubble up in his chest. He would gladly go to the outermost reaches of the galaxy for the small being just arm's length away. He already felt protective of the young girl, in what he would have to assume was a fatherly instinct.

"Mmmmmhhhh smells good," chirped Luke as Leia brought out a plate of nerf steaks and several sides, "... which probably meant you didn't make it." Luke finished a sly smirk spreading across his face.

"Hey! I'm not _that_ bad!" Leia huffed, indignantly, as she took a seat next to her daughter.

"Mama, you burnt my toast today." Hana giggled, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Leia's lips bunched up to one side, in animated amusement. "I thought you were suppose to be on my side!" Leia menacingly wiggled her fingers at her daughter. "You know what happens to traitors!" The smiled dropped from her face, her eyes nearly popped out of head.

"Traitors get tickled!" Leia laughed, swooping her threatening fingers down Hana's side. The girl melted into a puddle of laughter. Han felt his chest tighten as he watched what he had been missing out on for nearly five years. Hana breathlessly squealed, surrendering to her mother's wishes.

"My side always wins" Leia raised her eyebrows, as Hana bunched her nose up. Trying not to smile, she failed miserably. Leia returned her smile before turning to the rest of the group.

"I think the Empire would agree to that, but then again he never had your cooking." mused Luke. Leia pointed her fork at her brother as a silent challenge, daring him to continue. Luke gave her a boyish grin, knowing he could never win a verbal battle with his politician sister.

The conversation slipped into easy banter. Han for the most part stayed silent, watching Leia help Hana cut up her nerf steak. It seemed to come so natural to Leia, as if she had been a mother all her life. In a way, she sort of had been, he supposed. Mother of the Rebellion, at least, but blaster wielding Leia seemed a far cry from the mother he saw tenderly help their daughter with her meal.

He missed so much, it was such a painful reminder to watch. He missed bringing her home for the first time. Her first words. Her first steps. Her first scraped knee. Her time out. Her first time saying the alphabet. _Her first ride on the Millennium Falcon._ He missed it all, the good and the bad. He wanted to be there for every moment. Every smile, every giggle, every gesture, every word he fell more head over heels for the small bundle of life in front of him. And she didn't even know who he was. But he knew. He knew he never wanted to leave his daughter's side again. He had already missed so much. He made a silent vow to himself that night sitting at the dinner table; he vowed he would never miss another moment again.

"So Hana, what was your favorite ship today?" Leia asked nonchalantly.

A huge smile broke out on her face, "The Millennium Falcon!" She nearly shouted, unable to contain her enthusiasm, "It made the Kessel Run in twelve Parsecs!" The pride shown in her eyes, as she confidently stated the fact. She bounced excitedly on the edge of her seat, gesturing with arms to add to the effect.

Han's eyes bulged, nearly sending his fork clattering down on the table. She was definitely his daughter, pride swelled up in his chest. He was a goner. He couldn't help but feel jealous that anyone besides him was able to show his child the ins and out of his ship. He knew she was in good hands, but he wanted it to be him none the less.

"And who captains the Millennium Falcon?" Leia smiled encouragingly pressing her daughter on.

"Uncle Chewie!" Hana sang, pointing a wagging finger at the towering figure.

"Who else?" Leia asked, softly. Han didn't miss the way Leia's eyes tentatively met his. He wondered if her heart was racing as fast as his was.

Hana's eyebrows scrunched together, stumped by the question. A small grin spread across her face, "Me?"

Laughter echoed throughout the small dining room. Hana wait, not quite able to grasp the reason for their amusement. It seemed like a fair answer in her mind.

"Maybe some day, darling." Leia cooed.

Hana pursed her lips in disappointment. "Then who, mama?" She growing tired of the guessing game.

Leia smiled, reaching out to gently stroke Hana's arm. "We've talked about it before, think back to before you were born."

Hana sat still for a moment, concentration etched across her small face. Slowly she brought her eyes back up to her mother's, awe filling her eyes.

"Daddy?" She whispered in wonder, quiet curiosity resting on her features.

Leia's smile widened, nodding her head. The rest of the table was dead quiet, all eyes on the little girl. Han ran his hands up and down his pant legs, nervous energy rolling off of him with enough energy to run half the planet. This little girl didn't even know it, but his heart was putty in her hands.

"What was daddy's name?" Leia whispered into the stagnant air. It felt as if time itself was waiting in suspense.

"Han Solo." Hana whispered before amending herself, " _Captain_ Han Solo." She could sense the anticipation in the room. It made the normally very outgoing girl, feel timid and shy.

Leia bit her lip, slowly nodding her head. "Hana? Did you ever ask Uncle Chewie's friend what his name was?" Leia asked in a hushed voice.

"No?" Hana murmured, curiously shifting her gave to the man across the table. Han felt the rest of the eyes in the room follow suit, but it didn't matter. In that moment, the world stopped. The pair of hazel eyes staring back at him were the only thing at existed.

"Hey sweetheart" Han drawled, putting up no resistance to the huge, involuntary smile spreading from ear to ear across his face.

"Daddy?" Hana barely breathed, putting two and two together. Han nodded, not being able to articulate words.

Hana's eyes seemed to widen even more, dominating most of her face. She stared, slowly slumping back in her chair. Han could hear his heart pounding in his ears. All he could do was stare back. He couldn't look away, not even to see Leia's reaction. Hazel eyes trained on hazel eyes. Her reaction would either make or break him.

After what seemed like a millennia, ever so slowly a smile began to tug at the corner of Hana's cheeks. It creeped across her face, until her face seemed to small to hold a smile of such magnitude. Han knew that smile would be engraved in his brain until his last breath.

Han glanced at Leia; her hand was covering her mouth. Her eyes were glassed over, as tears taunted at their escape. There was nothing he wanted to do more than to walk around to the other side of the table and to sweep them both off their feet, hold them close and never let go. He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. He couldn't help but chuckle, tears threatening his own eyes.

Hana finally looked away from her father, turning her attention to her mother. "Mama can I show Daddy my toy spaceships?" She timidly, unsure on how her new parent fit as an authority figure.

"After you eat your vegetables." Leia hummed, recovering from the wave of emotions she just experienced.

"But Mama-"

"No buts, just because Daddy is back doesn't mean you don't have to eat your veggies." Leia parented, her eyes shining with amusement and relief.

Hana frowned, turning her nose up as she eyed her plate. For a moment she just sat their watching the offending vegetables as if she stared at them long enough they would disappear on their own. Suddenly, her head jerked up, a lightbulb going off in her head.

" _Daddy,_ do I have to eat my vegetables?"

Han couldn't help but smirk. He knew he wasn't suppose to find it funny, but he couldn't help it. Leaning back in his chair, he ran his finger across the scar on his chin, as he often did as he thought hard, or in this case was feigning it.

"Nah, I suppose not." Han decided, ignoring the daggers Leia was shooting in his direction. He watched as Hana's eyes light up, not expecting the answer she was given. " _But,_ all of the best pilots I know always eat their vegetables."

Han smirked, satisfied with himself. Leia gave an exasperated huff and rolled her eyes. Luke and Chewbacca started to crack up with laughter, unsure which was funnier Han's reply or Leia's reaction. The chuckling duo could already envision many more years of the Han and Leia betting pools featuring the trials and tribulations of parenthood, keeping the game alive long after they sorted out their relationship problems.

Hana picked up her fork, a determined look in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she stabbed at the plate shoving a giant mouthful in her mouth, causing her cheeks to puff out. Chewing and swallowing as quickly as possible, she turned to give her mother a victorious grin. Leia fought to keep a small grin off her face, nodding her head to give her daughter clearance. Launching out of her chair, Hana went and grabbed her father's hand and started tugging him down the hallway.

Han finally understood reason they fought to free the galaxy in the Rebellion, it was all for the very moment his daughter's petite fingers wrapped around his own.


	15. Chapter 15

Han Solo stumbled back letting out a strangled cry of pain as he grasped his chest. His mouth morphing into a grimace, the corners of his eyes wrinkled as he winched. His breathing became ragged, as he struggled to remain standing. Teetering over the spacer fell to his knees letting out another sharp yelp. His breathing became more and more strained, sounding more and more like Darth Vader's respirator. Reaching a shaking hand forward, he whispered in a strained voice, "How could you do this to me?"

All of his energy expelled the old smuggler's eyes rolled back into his head. He slumped forward, landing face first onto the unforgiving ground. His body went limp, sprawled out across the floor.

Hana's eyes fell on her father's unmoving body. Taking a few hesitant steps forward, she waited for the war hero to rise or show any signs of life at all. After a minute or so she feebly nudged his arm with her foot, but wasn't rewarded with a reaction.

"Daddy, it was just pretend; I didn't hurt you." Hana voiced, waving the toy blaster at the limp figure in front of her as evidence. Yet, her father remained stubbornly lifeless on the floor. The bewildered child stared at Han for a moment longer before exasperatedly turning to her mother. "Mama, Daddy won't stop playing dead." She groaned, waving her arms at the body in case Leia needed further proof.

Leia set down the materials she was reading for work, raising her eyebrows in amusement. "Yes, that seems to be a habit of his," She chuckled.

"What do I do, Mama?"

A sly grin spread across Leia's face, "Have you tried jumping on him?"

Concern flashed across the four year old's face, "But Mama won't that hurt him"

Leia grinned, "Of course not, baby, it'll just remind him he is alive."

"Okay, Mama." Hana said, not completely convinced. Turning back to face her still father, she bent her knees, preparing to jump. As her feet left the ground, Han flipped over and caught the airborne child, with the reflects only a seasoned pilot could muster. Hana gasped in surprise, before erupting in a fit of giggles.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know I wasn't dead? You shot me!" Han reasoned raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips. Han tilted his arms from side to side, Hana still securely suspended in the air by his outreached arms.

"You're silly Daddy." Hana giggled, as Han eased her to the ground.

Han sat up, shaking his head, "Who would have thought! My own daughter killed me!" He huffed dramatically.

"You can hardly blame her," Leia snickered, pointedly of ignoring the show Han put on by putting a hand on his chest and making his best hurt expression.

Over the past several weeks since Leia had made Hana known to her father, the misfit family had fallen into a routine. Leia resumed her normal work schedule. Gone were the days she worked long into the night, almost living at the office. Now a days, Leia worked normal hours, save the occasional emergency meetings and special events. When possible, she worked from home where she could spend more time with her daughter. Since the new government was stabilized Leia could afford the less rigorous schedule, it fit her current life style much better. Rion came over as normal and helped with Hana, taking her to tutoring in the afternoon and other various activities throughout the day. After work Leia spent most of her time with her daughter.

During the day, Han continued to work on his ship and slowly began to work out his new life. Most of the pilots from the Rebel Alliance continued to work for the government. They for the most part went on relatively short missions that for the most part were significantly less dangerous than during the war. Han had officially re enlisted, not that he actually made a conscious decision to un-enlist in the first place. General Rieeken had generously offered Han the position of training new recruits. It was a danger free position that offered steady work. It also for the most part kept him on base; Han had a sneaking suspicion that wasn't just military strategy on General Rieeken's part, but he wasn't going to complain. Han generally enjoyed working with the new pilots, their unguarded enthusiasm for the open air was refreshing.

In the evening Han would come over for dinner and spent time with his daughter. Sometimes he was accompanied by Luke and Chewie, sometimes not. Although he had not taken on any of the more disciplinary tasks of raising a child, he was already proving to be a good father. It was easiest during this time. With Hana as the focus of her parents attention, they got along well.

Once Hana went to bed most nights Han stayed a little while later. Those few hours where at best awkward. Sometimes all they did was watch Holovids Han had missed during his imprisonment. Sometimes they talked, the subject normally revolving around Hana. The conversation never ventured into dangerous territory, letting all of the unsaid thoughts thicken the seemingly stale air. The time that should have been bringing them closer inadvertently was pushing them farther apart. The emotional void between them be coming uncrossable. It was making it hard for Leia to be around him at, as much as she tried to hide her unease.

She had come to several conclusions over the weeks. She had determined that their first argument on the Falcon wasn't a true testimony of Han's character. He still same golden heart she fell in love with during the Rebellion. It had forced her to accept something she had already known. She who had changed, hardened by tragedy, pushing away the people she needed the most. Han's return forced her to acknowledge how deeply old wounds still affected her.

Some days she felt lighter. She saw the way her daughters eyes would light up at Han's arrival and she knew that how much better her daughter's life was with her father in it. Those days it was easier to see the good in her life. To be able to see the good things that they had accomplished despite all of her personal tragedy.

Some days it was harder. On her bad days she sometimes wished Han never came back. He made it harder to ignore the memories that haunted her. Which she desperately tried to avoid. On those days she found it hard to even look at him. At one point in her life he was someone that helped her fight her demons, but now he was back in her life. Except he wasn't there emotionally, making his presence almost worse than his absence.

Leia knew in the beginning it was her doing. She could feel herself pushing him away, a game older than time itself. She knew it was only making things worse, but she couldn't bring herself to break down the walls she had put up. Deep down she was scared. Leia wasn't the same person Han had left behind, she was scared he wouldn't like the person she had become. If she opened up to him and he rejected her, Leia was sure she would be able to pick up the pieces. Eventually Han stopped encouraging her to open up. It wasn't like before, were he would rile her up to invoke emotion out of her. He just stopped all together, only maintaining their polite truce around her. It became more and more apparent he only stuck around for Hana. He had realized Leia wasn't going to show any signs of the affection they had once shared, so he moved on. The important was that he was there for the child their love had made. She valued Hana's happiness over her own. Leia would adjust and carry on as she always did. No one knows how to deal with loss better than Leia Organa after all.

"Daddy, why don't you live with us like my friends daddy's do?" Han asked, snapping Leia out of her dark thoughts. Leia turned her gaze cautious towards her daughter and the girl's father. Han glanced at Leia cautiously before his gaze flickered back to his daughters. He didn't say anything in a minute, Leia could sense the internal battle going through his head although his face didn't show it.

"Our situation is different from your friend's parents," Han began slowly using the gentle tone Leia had only ever heard him address his daughter with, "The important thing is that we both love you very much." He finished placing a tender kiss on Hana's forehead. Hana seemed to mull it over before shaking head slowly.

Leia internally winced at the breakdown of the situation. It was true in every sense, but seemed like such an understatement after everything they had endured. Reaching her hand to the base of her skull she began to rub the tense muscles. It was a familiar motion, her headaches seemed to have become a permanent resident there.

She closed her eyes, wishing away the throbbing at the base of her neck. Sometimes she considered taking up meditation as her brother seemed to constantly suggest, but she wasn't convinced it would be an effective use of her time. It wasn't that she didn't believe in the effectiveness of the Jedi ways, she had seen that first hand plenty of times. It just didn't apply to her own life. She knew she was force sensitive, but she had no desire in becoming a Jedi. And that wasn't even considering her family history.

Her headache only seemed to grow. By the time she put Hana down for the night, she was fully prepared to kick Han out and go to bed herself. She was in no mood to deal with the stiff tension and filtered conversation that had become normal for them. She might even indulge in the sleeping tablets she so desperately tried to avoid.

Walking back into the living room she was surprised to find Han sitting on the couch, his eyes closed. The gentle hum of music protruded into the still air from the seldom used music player in the corner of the room. Han looked relaxed, serene even. Leia stood in the entry way unsure of what to do. It seemed cruel to break the placid moment Han had found. But why'd her have to find it on her couch! It was her apartment after all and she had every right to ask him to politely leave. The idea of just leaving him be and going to bed flitted across her mind, but the idea of Han in such a close proximity while she attempted sleep given their current relationship didn't sit well with her.

As she pondered her move, a slow smile began to spread across Han's face. Opening his eyes, he turned to look at her. It wasn't the same as most of the times they made eye contact since his return. He didn't seem wary of her; he wasn't looking at her like she was an out dated data pad he'd forgotten the code to. He was just looking at her, as if gazing upon her was one of the world's simplest pleasures. It made her stomach feel uneasy. The age old warning bell in her head told her to flee, yet she stayed rooted not quite able to turn away from those mystifying hazel eyes.

"Care to dance, Princess?" he chuckled, snapping out of his trance. He stood up, giving her a gentlemanly bow, he reached out a hand to her.

She shook her head, eyeing his hand distrustfully. "Don't call me that, my title in General now." She replied softly, she couldn't risk it. Being around him was hard enough to bare, she didn't need another reason for tension between them.

"Ah, come on, one dance won't hurt," He pushed, deliberately ignoring her change of subject. She could feel his eyes resting on her, but she couldn't meet his eyes. She couldn't let him see how wrong his statement was. One dance _could_ hurt. If she let herself open up to him, even just for a moment, she couldn't go back to the strained friendship they had acquired. One dance was dangerous. One dance could most definitely hurt.

Her eyes haphazardly traveled up to meet his. The gold-green orbs staring at her didn't hold their normal air of confidence. The normal predatory gleam was replaced by a look of uncertainty that she imagined looked quite similar to her own. Almost as he wasn't exactly sure of the truth behind his words either. Maybe that's why she felt her head nod a shaky confirmation, because for the first time in a long time she didn't feel alone. He was as unsure as she was.

His fingers wrapped around hers, not as firmly as they use to, but still as if he was already dreading the moment he had to let go none the less. It was their first real touch. The first touch that wasn't a by product of an argument or out of spite. Leia didn't like how such an innocent touch felt so intimate. As if worlds had failed them, and a gentle touch was the only way for them to communicate their true feelings.

Han tugged her towards him, placing his hands on her waist. His touch was light as a feather, almost as if he still expected her to bolt. She felt her own arms rest on his broad shoulders. He still held her at nearly an arm's length away, it reminded her of the awkward dances she had experienced in her youth with potential suitors. She couldn't meet his eyes, in fact, she looked at just about everything that wasn't him. She couldn't lose her resolve, she didn't trust herself.

"Is your neck okay?" he murmured, genuinely concern. She would have been more discreet when it came to nursing her headache if she had known he had been paying so close attention. His hand left her hip, his fingers gently brush against the spot she had been doctoring hardly an hour earlier. She hoped he didn't feel the way his touch sent shivers down her spine.

"It's fine." The words came out sharper than she anticipated. His hand immediately dropped back to her waist. She wouldn't be surprised if he didn't believe her. Her headaches were nothing new, when they were still together he would sometimes masache the same spot for her. It always would amaze her how the same hands that were so strong while working on the Falcon or handling a blaster, could so gently ease the tension gathering at the nape of her neck. It was a dangerous thing to think of with Han at such a close physical proximity, even if mentally he was a world away.

The song changed, but as if through a silent agreement they continued to dance. Gradually as they relaxed, it began to feel less like a Senate Ball and more like dancing with Han. It was all too simple for Leia to close her eyes and forget where they were or who they were. The world seemed so simple in his arms.

Her head, on its own accord, tilted forward to rest on Han's chest. Her eyes shot open, utterly mortified by her own actions. How dare she have the audacity to assume she was allowed to do such a thing. They weren't lovers sharing an intimate dance. They were strangers. She felt heat rise to her cheeks, as Han's body tensed. She went to pull back, her apologies for her breach in etiquette on the tip of her tongue. Before she could, she felt Han's body relax once more, pulling her a little closer.

She closed her eyes, settling against Han's chest. She would be completely content to stay there, breathing in his scent and pretending all of the world's problems didn't exist forever. Perhaps she was reading into it too much, perhaps to Han it was just a dance nothing more nothing less. For once, all of her doubts didn't seem as prominent, even if it was just a dance. She felt a deep rumbling vibration against her cheek. Confusion set in, before her ears registered the source.

 _He's singing._

Leaning away from Han enough to look up at her rather tall dance partner, she cocked her head to the side, "A _singing_ smuggler? Now I've seen it all."

" _Smuggler?_ I thought I was a scoundrel!" A devilish grin met his features.

Leia knew this was dangerous territory. She knew she should back out now, but it was so familiar. The unbreachable awkward that plagued every interaction between them as of late, seemed like a distant memory.

"No, you must be mistaken. I heard you're a nice man." she quipped.

"..nice man…" The playfulness was gone from his voice. Distracted by the intensity of his warm gaze, his reply was nearly lost with Leia, butterflies making her stomach tingle. A soft pressure met her lips. It was cautious, unsure if the tender kiss would be welcomed or not. When Leia returned the kiss, Han deepened it unraveling all the pent up passion he had hid for so long.

 _He is doing this for Hana. Its because of her comment earlier._

Leia ignored the doubt creeping in the back of her head, and for once just let herself feel. One of his hand began to explore her much shorter chestnut locks of hair, while the other wrapped around the small of her back. She felt a sigh escape her lips, invoking an eager response from Han. In the distance she heard a door shut.

"General Leia! I have returned!" An automated voice exclaimed. Leia launched out of Han's arms, landing on the other side of the room, blood rushing to her face. "Can you believe the mission took three weeks? It was dreadful I am surprised I returned in one piece!" The droid babbled on, oblivious to what he was walking into.

"Stars! Its Han Solo! Princess -I mean General- did you know Han Solo was here? Good heavens, is he not dead after all?! Dear me,I hope I'm not seeing force ghosts, I am not cut out to be a Jedi Knight…" The droid continued, not reading the situation in the slightest.

"Threepio, I am glad you made it back safely." Leia blurted, her chest still heaving. She glance at Han, unlike the princess, no embarrassment shown on the smuggler's face. He was glaring at C3po as if he stared long enough the protocol droid would spontaneously combust.

"How about we review your findings in my office?" Leia urged the droid out of the room before Han turned him into spare parts. Looking over her shoulder she saw Han was fuming.

"Goodnight Han…" She murmured, as she rushed to follow the droid down the hallway. Meeting Han's eyes she saw the resentment already beginning to form in his eyes.

"Night, Your Worship."


	16. Chapter 16

_Damn that droid!_

Han thought for the umptienth time that week. It was almost as if whoever the hell built the sorry excuse for a protocol droid's sole purpose for making the robotic nightmare was to make sure Han's life went to hell.

Needless to say it had not been a good week. Ever since Threepio had interrupted their reunion, Leia only seemed to distance herself from him more. When he was around she seemed to place herself at the farthest vanity possible. When he continued to stick around after their daughter went to bed, she hardly said a word, opting for one or two word answers to his attempts at conversations. So instead they sat in silence, pretending to watch whatever holovid was playing.

The blasted droid didn't exactly boost his spirits either. Its constant chatter and incessant fretting was enough to drive Han up the wall. He would have dismembered the droid ages ago if it wasn't for the fact he didn't need one more reason to be out of Leia's good graces. It was maddening. The only slightly redeeming factor was Hana often seemed to get just as fed up with the droid as her father. Han would be hard pressed to find something more amusing than the four year old sending Goldenrod into a frenzy.

The dinner table seemed unnaturally quiet. Leia had some sort of pretentious government ball to attend, leaving Rion, _the nanny,_ in her place. Han had known about the upcoming ball for a while, and had been secretly hoping Leia would ask him to go with her. It was wishful thinking of course. He had attended them in the past with Leia, and they weren't exactly his scene. He never really fit in with all of the government aristocrats, but the allure of Leia practically glowing in one of her fancy gowns was always enough encouragement for him to endure the events. Now all he could do was picture her looking stunning, as always, socializing and dancing with young elitist and the government's top eligible bachelors. It made his blood boil. He knew logically he shouldn't worry. She had been going to those things for five years believing he was dead and was never whisked away by some government stiff. Or at least not permanently, Han knew nearly nothing about her life during that time. But of course Leia would never ask him to go with her. Why would she ask a man she was barely on speaking terms with anyway? Even if by some miracle she wanted to, she would never risk causing an uproar by showing up with her long gone ex-fiancé.

Han had only ever seen Rion once before, and the was far from a positive experience. Although the twenty something year old man seemed nice from a tradition since, Han was inclined not to like him. Perhaps it was just his presence that bugged Han. The idea that Leia felt she needed to leave a babysitter, even with Han around. Or just the fact that his daughter had another potential father figure in her life other than him.

So instead of talking to the help, Han opted to carry on an engaging conversation with the four year old. It amazed him that being someone who had never even considered having kids would be absolutely absorbed with the little girl. Receiving a smile or a laugh out of her wasn't a difficult task, but it conjured up so much joy out of the former smuggler he found himself longing to be with his little girl whenever he was away.

After dinner Han read one of Hana's favorite storybooks to her, as she snuggled with her favorite blanket in his lap. Rion had settled himself in the chair across from the father and daughter and started reading a book of his own, looking unsure what to do with himself. When the little princess's eyelids inevitably began to droop she buried herself deeper into her father's chest.

"Hana, it's past bedtime why don't you go brush your teeth and get ready for bed." Rion ordered, eyeing the pair from his seat. Hana gave the sitter a sleepy nod and slid off Han's lap.

"Will you tuck me in Daddy?" Han asked with a sleepy smile, gazing up at her father.

"Of course, Princess, I'll be there in a minute." Han warmly smiled, affectionately ruffling the little girl's hair.

Han nodded towards the exit after Hana had left the room. "You can go, I can take it from here."

Rion raised his eyebrows, questioningly, "I'm to staying to watch Hana until Leia gets home."

Han hated the familiarity in the other man's voice. "I realize that, but I am staying so you can go. I'll take it from here."

"I'm sorry Mr. Solo, Leia instructed me to stay until she gets home until as I normally do."

Han stood up anger bubbling up inside of him. "Alright listen. I am perfectly capable of watching _my_ daughter. I don't care what Leia said you go 'head and leave." Han snarled.

"I don't want to overstep my boundaries, Sir. But you don't employ me and this is not your home, therefore you aren't at the liberty to kick me out. Furthermore, you've hardly been around Hana very long, I don't want to leave her in a situation that could potentially cause problems-"

"Cut the Bantha shit, Nanny. _I'm her father._ I don't care what you've been told or how long you've been around I can handle my own kid!" Han growled stabbing an accusing finger at Rion, who did his best to remain to stand unflinchingly in front of the taller man.

"And if there is a problem then what do you do? You may be her father but that doesn't mean you know how to look after her."

"I've handled much worse knowing much less going in! If I have any problems I will call Luke and Chewie! I would hope between me, the galaxy's last Jedi, and a seven foot tall Wookiee we can handle a sleepy four year old!" Han snapped, his voice continued to rise with his anger levels. Rion opened his mouth to reply, but Han cut him off once again. "I'll take the heat from Leia and make sure you get paid if it has to come out of my own pocket. Now get out!"

"Fair enough, good luck Solo." Rion sighed, shaking his head disapprovingly, "But it's on you if anything happens to her." Han's stony gaze followed him all the way to the door.

The rest of the night went by without incident. Shockingly, putting an exhausted child to bed didn't require any extravagant manipulation of the Force. Which left Han alone in Leia's living room, awaiting her arrival. Goldenrod had lasted a record breaking two minutes and thirty seven seconds before Han got annoyed and shut him down.

He wasn't exactly sure what to do with himself He tried turning on the Holo to distract himself from his unease. On contrary, to his blunt confidence when it came to dealing with the help, he was relatively nervous. Every fifteen minutes or so, he made his way to the young girl's chambers just to make sure all was well. He wasn't about to give Leia any more ammunition to use against him. Just as he assumed, every time he went to check on Hana she was fast asleep, her rosy nose barely peeking out of her cocoon of blankets.

Han couldn't help but let his imagination get away from him. What if there was a reason Leia had requested Rion stay instead of him? What if she didn't arrive alone? No man in his senses wouldn't find Leia attractive, especially when she was dressed to impress for occasions such as the one that evening. The Holoplayer was no longer an ample distraction, as Han began to imagine the horror of Leia bringing someone else home. Someone younger, which a much more prestigious title, more money, someone who by the books would be a much better match for a women such as Leia. Not that anything Leia ever did was by the books. He knew the chance of her doing that was very slim, she wouldn't chance having to explain why a strange man was in her house to her daughter. Plus, Han still believed she had feelings for him. No matter how much she pushed them down. Despite, her cold exterior towards him, the way she responded to his kiss told him otherwise.

None the less Han needed something to do. Walking over the small bookshelf on the other side of the room, he looked for a suitable occupation for his thoughts. Most of the reading on the shelf was political nonsense Han didn't find found remotely interesting. There was several picture albums of Hana's earlier years that Han had already seen. Although he would never get tired of anything that had to do with his daughter, he didn't need a reminder of how much he had missed. One the very top shelf, hidden to the far left Han found an object of interest. It was another picture album, but this one was much smaller than the rest. It was the only one Leia hadn't already shown him. Assuming to find more pictures of his daughter, Han was surprised to the book was empty save three pictures..

The first one Han recognized instantly. It was of Luke, Leia, and himself on the day they had blown up the first death star. Leia stood in the middle, her arms wrapped around the two pilots. None of them were looking towards the camera, but they shared unguarded looks of joy on their faces. They all looked so different, so much younger, completely unaware of the horrors that were to come. Han ran his thumb over the worn edges of the picture. It was the right choice, turning his ship around. He may have been tortured and imprisoned multiple times, but he would do it all over again if he had to. After joining the Rebellion, he had gotten so much more out of his life. It wasn't just him and Chewie anymore, he had other people he cared about, would die for without a second thought. He didn't want to think about what his life would have been like if he didn't go back to help Luke that day.

Moving on to the second picture, warmth pooled in his stomach. He couldn't place when exactly the picture was taken, but it was after the fall of the emperor. It probably wasn't taken long before Han had his life stolen from him. It was a picture of him and Leia, in what looked like Luke's apartment.

 _Leia kept this._

Leia was leaning against him on the couch, his arm was casually wrapped around her shoulder. Leia's eyes were closed. Her mouth wide open, Han could almost hear her melodic laughter. Leia's laugh was one of the most beautiful sounds to ever grace his ears. It was always a victory to make her laugh, something that was relatively rare even when they were at their happiest. He was looking down at her,a big grin spread across his face. They looked so relaxed, so happy. His heart ached, no matter what happened in those days they were always there to support each other.

 _Why'd that stop?_

The last picture was of Chewie's home planet. Han could recognize the lush foliage anywhere. Han felt a pang of jealousy, he had always wanted to take Leia to Kashyyyk. Despite the sunshine and the beauty of the lush greenery around them Chewie and Leia appeared undeniably sorrow. Her skin was ashen, the dark bags under her eyes in stark contrast to the rest of her ghostly complexion. Leia's eye stared at some point out of the view of the camera, galaxies of grief clouding her deep eyes. Her hair was cut to her shoulders, giving Han a good time frame of when she cut off most of her hair. Her hands rested on her swollen tummy. It wasn't endearing, the way her fingers hung on her stomach. It wasn't a mother's tender hold on her unborn child, but more of a grief stricken grasp, a last attempt to hold onto to reality. It a picture of a mother who had lost far too much, and already feared for her child, no matter how safe the galaxy had become.

Chewie stood next to the grieving mother. One of his paws rested on Leia's shoulder as she leaned slightly into the furry mass. His expression matched hers. It made Han feel slightly better, knowing Leia had been taken care of. Chewie protected Han's family even after he was gone. Words could never express how grateful Han was for that, and would always be.

For a moment he let himself imagine a different reality. One were Leia's first trip to Kashyyyk wasn't of tragedy, but of carefree happiness. In a universe where he would be there step of the way. Her growing baby bump, the morning sickness, the odd cravings and mood swings- he wanted to there for all of it. He imagined Leia and Chewie standing there, not in sorrow, but simply enjoying the planet's breath snatching scenery. He would have walked up from behind and wrapped his arms around his princess, resting his hands on top of her smaller ones on their little bundle of life. When she turned to look at him, he would plant a big sloppy kiss on her nose. Something that never failed to make her laugh. After a playful nudge, she would kiss him back. Because that's what they did. Maybe later that day they would have a picnic with Chewie's family or go to the little lake a couple miles away. He longed for it, he longed for what might have been.

Han shut the book, placing it back in its place, feeling guilty. That book clearly wasn't meant for his eyes. It gave him a little hope, although most likely seldom looked at Leia kept those holograms, which meant they still had to mean _something_ to her.

As he sat back down on the couch he tried to turn his attention back to the holoprojector as he awaited Leia's safe arrival home, but his thought seemed to always drift back to the image of the Princess's grief stricken face.

 _Damn that droid._ Damn it all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Authors Note: I'm terribly sorry I've been so sluggish on updating lately, my life has been a little crazy recently! But fear not I have every intention of finishing it! I would also like to take a minute to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews; they always bring a smile to my face :)**

Leia let out a sigh of relief. The Senate Ball went well, but like most government event, it took six hours when it could have easily taken two. Leia felt drained, Mon Mothma, per usual, made it her mission to remind Leia, in her condescendingly superior tone, of all of the tasteful suitors that were attending. But not without mentioning, how beneficial a match would be for not only her but the government as well, but how no such gentleman would even think of courting a woman- no matter what her title- that had a child out of wedlock to lowlife such as she. To which Leia would gracefully grid her teeth and inform the other lady that the 'lowlife' had died honorably with the rank of a General and her daughter was her greatest blessing in life. Of course now she couldn't make Han out as a tragically deceased war hero; she didn't know how to make Han out at all, as a matter of fact. None the less, her daughter meant more to her then life itself. Leia would never let Mon Mothma know how much such comments bothered Leia. She had no interest in government suitors, but the negative light Mon Mothma put two of the people that mattered most in her life made her blood boil, not that she could let it show.

Leia made a beeline for her bedroom upon arriving home, wanting nothing more than to be out of the constricting dress she clad all evening. She voiced her arrival to Rion as she passed the living room, but didn't stop to ask how the evening went at home. It was pretty normal for Leia to change into more comfortable clothes and check up on Hana before Rion gave her a report of the night.

Leia peeled the dress off her body and rummaged for something comfortable to put on. She settled on an old pair of loose gray shorts and an old sweatshirt that once belonged to Han. She hadn't warn it much since Han had more or less came back into her life, but it had always been an object of comfort. The tattered sweatshirt brought back warm memories of the trip to Bespin; Han had given it to her as something to sleep in and it found a permanent home in her wardrobe. The nice thing about it was it didn't matter where her and the current Han were at, the sweatshirt was a source of comfort given to her by the Han Solo she never doubted the love they shared.

After taking the pins out of her hair and checking on Hana, who was sound asleep just as expected, she made her way to living room. "Rion, how was Hana-", Leia's heart jumped to her throat. Instead of the usual babysitter in the recliner by the bookshelf, none other than Han Solo was a asleep on her couch, the holoprojector still playing in the background. Turning off the projector, she attempted to collect herself before waking Han. Mon Mothma's comments were still echoing in the back of her head in the back of her head.

One look at Han's face made her second guess herself. Even in the dim light, she could see the sheen of sweat on his forehead. His face was twisted into a painful grimace; his limps sporadically twitched in his slumber. Without giving it a second Leia bolted forward, shaking his shoulder in an attempt to rouse him from the dark unconscious place she so often visited herself.

"Han wake up! Han, it's just a dream!" she nearly shouted. His face continued contorted as he subconsciously made a vain attempt to push her away.

"Just kill me… no...no….just...just kill me…" Han stuttered, his body contorting as the nightmare refused to loosen its hold. Panic welled up in Leia, a knot twisting her stomach. She shook him more aggressively.

"Han! Han! Come back to me! It's not real!" she growled, her heartbreaking at the obvious pain displayed across his face.

Han's eyes flew open; frantically shifting around the room in search of the ghosts that so vividly harassed him just seconds before. Leia sat down on the edge of the couch, and began running her hands through his damp hair. It was something she always did to calm Hana when she had nightmares, at the moment it just felt natural.

"Shhhh… Shhhh… It was just a nightmare, it's over now." she whispered softly. Han's eyes found hers. She didn't break eye contact as his pupil slowly returned to there normal size, panic slowly turned to vulnerability and shaking sadness in his deep eyes. His body was shaking violently, tears spilling down his cheeks.

"Leia…" He let out a desperate sigh of relief. He flung his arms tightly around her waist, pressing his face into her stomach. Leia froze momentarily, before continuing to stroke his hair. Adjusting into a more comfortable position on the plush couch, she wrapped her other arm around his back, cradling him in her arms. Han's body curled into her own, still shaking. She was positioned rather awkwardly and uncomfortably, sitting semi-upright on the edge of the couch with a man curled around her middle, but at the moment it was the farthest thing from her mind. Leia could feel his uneven breath through the warm sweatshirt. He held to her as if she was his only anchor on reality, forming a fragile line between what was real and the demons in his head.

In the moment, it didn't matter if they were adamant lovers or near strangers. The strongest man she knew was crying into the very sweatshirt he had given in the same situation years before. The realization came crashing down on Leia that she knew very little about what had happened to Han. She knew the information that Luke had given her when he first came back, but nothing else. Han never talked about it, she assumed he had recovered. Shame washed over her, of course he wasn't healed. After less than a year in carbonite, the aftermath lasted months. Many nights they both spent clutching desperately to each other fighting the nightmares in each other's embrace. How foolish for her to think everything was fine now. How dare she be so ignorantly believe she was the only one still haunted by dark memories. It didn't matter if he loved her or not, he was the father of her child, most of all _her friend_ and she left him to fight alone.

"Oh Han, what they do to you?"

He didn't responded; he probably didn't even hear her. They as in silence, the only sound was Han's breathing as it slowly returned to normal. Neither of them moved, even long after Han's body stopped shaking. It was almost peaceful, as if they were the only two people in the world. Just for a moment-their past didn't matter, their future didn't matter. It didn't matter that they had once been in love; it didn't matter that maybe someday they could be again. Just for a moment they where two people finding comfort in each other's arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Leia dared to whisper, breaking the vow of silence. Han decidedly shook his head against her stomach, not bothering to even raise it. They returned to silence. Leia let it be, Han was naturally a closed off person. She wasn't in a position in his life to ask for answers. So instead, she savored his closeness and the intimacy of the moment. It didn't need words.

"Leia? Tell me something to get my mind off of it." Han mumbled turning his head slightly, so one eye was peering up at her.

Leia frowned, her hand pausing amidst Han's scruffy locks. _What do you tell a man that knows all of your stories?_ Han did. Han could probably recite her fondest childhood memories better than she could. Han was part of most of best moments since then. He had heard all of the stories she could bare to tell of their daughter's life. _What do you tell a man who knows you so completely?_

"I sent Threepio on a three week long mission to get a holovid."

Surprised laughter erupted out of the man curled around her middle, making her stomach tingle. It seemed so rare to get him to laugh. At least to get his real laugh, not just his guarded snicker. It had been so long since she had heard it; she craved to hear it again.

"Three weeks?! Look who's trying to get rid of 'em now!" Han snorting, shifting so his head was resting in her lap, allowing him to look up at her. His eyes were still red around the edges, the vulnerability hadn't left his eyes, but he looked at ease if perhaps not a little smug.

Leia opened her mouth to deny it, but Han wasn't exactly wrong. It had become a game in recent years between Leia, Chewie, and occasionally Luke to see who could come up with the most absurd ways to keep the droid away the longest. Chewie was still the clear cut winner, by sending the droid planet hoping for two months in search of a rare Collerian hot sauce only to make him turn around and go back when the droid got mild sauce instead of spicy.

"I was not! It was a movie I wanted to show Hana!" Leia returned, which wasn't a technically a lie. She did want to show her daughter the holovid, but there was more effective means of getting it.

"Must be one hell of a movie" Han raised his eyebrows playfully at her.

"It was Alderaanian." Leia let out a breath staring at the wall. It was still hard to talk about. Han took one of her hands in both of his. Slowly, he ran his thumb over her hand, gently letting her know she wasn't alone. Pulling their entwined hands up to his lips he placed gently placed a kiss on her knuckles, before resting them on his chest. When she finally looked down, he gave her a soft smile and tender eyes.

The corner of her lips twitched, her heart fluttered. He continued to gaze up at her; she could see his curiosity, but he wasn't going to push her on such a sensitive subject.

"It was just a silly fairy tale about a princess who was saved by a knight in shining armor." she chuckled, her childhood fascinations felt like they were from a different lifetime.

"Hmmm sounds familiar." Han teased, lightheartedly.

"No, if I remember correctly my knights were the ones that needed saving." Leia smirked, raising her eyebrows in challenge.

"Ah, but you still admit we're knights." Han waggled his eyebrows, chuckling faintly.

Leia gave Han a shove with her free hand. Han only grinned and snuggled closer to her, tightening his grip on her hand.

Leia's expression sobered, a far off look in her eyes. "It had a happy ending. They rode off into the Alderaanian sunset together. I wanted to make sure Hana never forgets that happy endings can happen."

Han reached up and whipped the single tear that escaped down her cheek away. "What about your happy ending, Princess?" he murmured, his hand lingering on her cheek longer than it needed to.

She let out something between a laugh and a sob, and then shifted in attempt to get up. "I don't know if I believe in happy endings anymore." she stated almost defeatedly, as she continued to try and wriggle free from underneath his body. She refused to make eye contact with Han as soon as the words escaped her mouth.

"Leia, don't go," It was a plea, more than a request. She stopped struggling and slowly met gaze. Unguarded mix of desperation and heartbreak pooled in his deep eyes. "Stay" he breathed, nearly inaudibility, when she still didn't respond right away. The vulnerability in his eyes reminded her of a small child. Underneath the bravado, and the cynical attitude, and the doesn't-care-about-anyone-but-actually-cares-too-much persona Han was still a boy who grew up on the streets alone. A boy who had no one to even ask to stay.

In that moment Leia couldn't leave Han anymore than she could leave Hana. She placed a feather light kiss on his temple, then leaned more comfortably against the back of the couch.

"Shhh go back to sleep."

The lines in Han's forehead relaxed, a sleepy smile flickered briefly across his face before he turned wrapping his arms around her upright body and nuzzling his face into her stomach once more. Leia stared at the man in front of her, listening to the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he drifted into the oblivion. Once she was sure he was asleep she would get up, or at least that's what she told herself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello Lovelies!**

 **Long time no see, it turns out the college life is extremely busy! So please bare with me here with the slow updates; I promise we are nearing the end. Thank you all for sticking with my story :)**

The sun's soft morning glow was just starting to peek through the window, as if even the sun wasn't quite ready to get out of bed. It was warmer than normal; as if the unshakeable cold, that seemed to follow her like a shadow had finally lifted. Her bed didn't seem too big anymore, in fact it seemed to be no bigger than Hana's bed at that.

Now fully awake it became very clear why her bed seemed to have shrunk; it seemed she never actually made it to bed, opting to sleep on the couch. Of course sharing the space with a full grown man doesn't exactly add to space situation.

Blood rushed to Leia's cheeks, her body temperature jumping from pleasantly warm to suffocatingly hot. Her head was somewhat awkwardly resting on the couch's arm, no doubt she would have a crick in her neck the rest of the day. One of her legs dangled off the side of the couch, as if she fell asleep sitting up and was now half laying-half sitting. Han Solo was more or less lying on top of her. His face was rather unceremoniously squashed against her chest.

 _Leave it to Han Solo to even be a scoundrel in his sleep._

His arms were loosely wrapped around her waist; her sweatshirt riding up to expose part of her pale stomach. Her leg that had found its way onto the couch as some point in the night was tangled up in Han's legs. His entire body curled into her as if he was trying to get as close to her as humanly possible. Leia's stomach did a backflip

The events of the night before came crashing down on Leia like a tidal wave. Her stomach rolled uncomfortably. Han had been in pain; it send shivers down Leia's spine. It wouldn't have mattered if they hadn't seen each other in twenty years. It wouldn't matter if he hated her with all his heart. She would never be able to turn away from Han if he was in pain. He looked so peaceful now. His face was slack, not even the faintest ghost of last night's pain still remained. She could feel ever slow intake of breath as Han continued to sleep, dead to the world. It was be so easy to just reach out and touch his face. Stroke his cheek. Run her hand along his strong jawline. Stroke his lip with her thumb.

It suddenly was too much. She needed to get away, panic started to rise up in her chest. Finagling one arm so it was braced on the arm of the couch and the other on the back of it she slowly slid out of Han's arms, careful as not to wake him. Rolling over the back of the couch, she broke free of the web of appendages. Grabbing a throw pillow, she put it under Han's head, smiling slightly to herself. Han stirred slightly, his hand pawing at the air as if he was reaching for something. Thankfully, he didn't wake; burying his face in the pillow Leia could have sworn she saw the corner of his lip twitch.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Leia made her way into the kitchen to collect her thoughts. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, cold once more. Her and Han slept together. It was just sleeping, but it felt so intimate. Would Han feel the same way when he woke? Our would he have reached out to anyone that helped him out of such a bad place? Was it even out of the normal for Han? Would he even remember when he woke? Leia's nightmares use to get so bad that by morning her brain had blotted out the memories all together. What would she do when Han woke?

It was still very early she had quite a bit of time before she had to get ready for work, or before Hana would be up. Normally, she would power up Threepio so he could start breakfast, but she wasn't in the mindset to deal with the manufactured fretting at the moment. She briefly considered going back to her actual bed and trying to sleep a little longer, but she ruled it out. Her mind was too awake. She started by making a pot of kaf. And then decided toast best fit her culinary skills for breakfast.

"Morning..."

Leia turned to find Han standing in the entryway to the room. He leaned against the frame of the door not in the room, but no out of it. His scruffy hair went in different directions as if it had a mind of its own. He gave her a timid smile; his hand rubbing the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit of his, Leia suspected he didn't even realize he was doing it most of the time.

"Hi." Her lips twitched, protectively she crossed her arms. They stood still in a silent stand off, she felt Han's eyes running over her body. It wasn't in a hungry manner, but a curious one; as if he never expected to see Leia in such a relaxed state again. Leia silently offered him a cup of coffee. He accepted, shattering the awkward tension that made the air less breathable. Leia nodded and went back to preparing the simple breakfast, as Han took a seat at the counter, neither of them brought up what happened the night before. They didn't need to put it into words. They were both soldiers and slaves. Slaves to the memories that wouldn't leave and soldiers for continuing to push on. Leia pushed a plate of toast towards him, he gladly accepted, taking a large bit.

"Nice sweatshirt." He gave her the smallest satisfied smirk. He knew. He wasn't suppose to see it. She never intended on him knowing she still wore the tattered old sweatshirt he had given her when their love was only a budding flower.

She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. In a way, her choice of wardrobe was more revealing than the nightmares. "Thank you, an old friend gave it to me."

"Huh, what a nice guy." Han huffed his smile steadily growing.

Leia raised her eyebrows, shaking her head. "I'm going to get ready for work, Hana will be up soon." she murmured before exiting the room.

"You and mama had an adult sleepover?"

"I guess you could say that, but they're not as fun as kid sleepovers."

"Why not?"

"Because adults don't have bedtimes so staying up late isn't special anymore."

Leia paused in the hallway, just out of view of the kitchen. Peering around the corner just far enough to see Hana sitting at the counter and Han at the stove, evidently cooking.

 _Typical Han, made himself right at home._

Her chest cavity seemed to condense. This could be a daily routine if she wanted. If _he_ wanted. If she let herself open up. Sometimes she wanted to, so badly. She wanted nothing than to nestle to Han's warm and go back to sleep that morning and face the consequences. But the panic that welled up in her chest did not allow it. She had to flee, she always had to flee. She had locked away her heart the day that Chewbacca came down the Falcon's ramp alone. And now try as she might, she couldn't find the key.

"Does that mean you're going to have sleepovers all the time Daddy?" The innocent question was followed by a stiff pause.

"I don't think so Sweetheart."

"But why Daddy? I like you staying here!" The sound of the disappointment in the young voice was heartbreaking.

"Because I live on the Falcon, who else is gonna take care of Uncle Chewie?"

"But Uncle Chewie is all grown up! Do you not like sleeping here?" Hana was persistent Leia would give her that. Someday she would make a great negotiator. The seconds that seemed to tick by in slow motion where agonizing. Did he not like staying here? He seemed so pleasant earlier, was that just out sincerity?

"More than you know, but I don't want to overstay my welcome." Han turned around and gave a tight smile to their dear daughter. He grabbed her hand and raised his eyebrows playfully. "But don't think for a moment you'd be able to get rid of me that easily. I intend on sticking around."

"Why don't you live with us like everyone else's mamas and daddies?"

Leia decided it was time to intervene, whether to save Han from having to explain or to save her own ears she didn't know. She didn't make eye contact, but she could feel Han's eyes on her as soon as she entered the room.

"I'm going to be late for work. Rion should be here any minute Han do you mind staying a few extra minutes?" She asked Han, still avoiding eye contact by giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek.

"Sure, Leia."

He smiled at her a little, a hint of pain back in his eyes. On impulse she walked and standing on her toes placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you." Leia huffed lingering for a moment, her voice was barely audible. Then she spun on her heel and exited, not lifting her head as the heat rose to her cheeks.


	19. Chapter 19

**Long time no see :) I hope you enjoy the next chapter. Its been a long time since I've updated. I've always had every intention of coming back to finish this story, but I have been busy and was having trouble getting into the right mindset. Thank you to anyone who commented or messaged me, its a huge motivation. We are nearing the end of our tale, thanks to everyone that stuck with it.**

 **I'd also like to take a moment to honor Carrie Fisher. Heaven has received a bright new angel. Rest in peace.**

A small hand grasped his, tugging him along with a surprising amount of force behind it for such a petite body.

"Come on daddy! I don't want to be late!"

Han grinned at his daughter's enthusiasm. It also didn't hurt that it he wasn't having the worst of mornings himself. His wake call consisted of his comm link going off. Initially, it aggravated him. As a rule of thumb, any day that starts off with a comm link buzzing is bound to be a day with endless potential for meetings and other dull activities that make him want to take a blaster to his brain. This day, however, was the exception. After grumbling something near 'Hello,' his name in the form of a sigh of relief rang through his comm link. It was the voice of most welcome voice in the galaxy.

Rion was sick and unable to take care of Hana for the day, bless the soul that gave him that bug. Leia had turned to him for help. _To him._ Unfortunately, he didn't actually get to see Leia. She had seen Chewie before reaching the Falcon and dropped Hana off with him. Not that Han was complaining, he'd take any chance to spend the day with his beloved daughter, but a quick hello from Leia would have been icing on the cake.

He hadn't actually seen Leia since her lips had brushed his cheeks four days ago. She had left that afternoon for an off-planet conference and had just gotten back late the previous night. His heart leaped in anticipation at the thought of seeing her. He wondered if she would even regard the incident on the couch, or the interactions of the morning after. They had seemed to broken down some walls, but he knew Leia and with her time could be dangerous. Too much time apart and he was worried she would slip back into her cold façade with him again. He didn't know if his heart could take another step back between the two of them. He was optimistic though, the relief in her voice was evident over the comm link, but he wouldn't truly know until that evening.

His daughter's voice drew him back to reality as the reached the spaceball field. Hana was in a children's league of the popular sport. Han had never watched much of it when it was on the holovid, but it seemed pretty simple. More or less you wanted to get the ball into the other team's net to score a goal while stop them from doing the same.

"You can go sit over there with the other moms" Hana said with a smirk, before bounding off to join her friends. His daughter definitely had inherited her mother's wit and his signature smirk. It was a deadly combination.

Han Solo: smuggler, General, nerfherder, _spaceball mom_

 _I should get business cards._

Hana hadn't been exaggerating either. The benches were lined with moms twittering about their child's playing, their husband, the best stain remover…. Or pretty much any other subject Han would have no interest in. He sat on the end putting a sizeable gap between him and the _other moms._ Luckily the practices where only an hour long and it wasn't like he didn't have enough things to occupy his mind.

As his mind wandered he didn't notice the addition to the mom bench squad. One that so happened to be sitting much closer to him than what was deemed normal.

"Well well well… you must be new around here." A voice purred, jolting him out of his thoughts. Han glanced over to the lady leaning closer to him. She was tall, long legs, blonde with a little too much make up. In his former life he would have found the situation vastly more interesting. He leaned back, trying to put some distance between them. It didn't seem to deter her.

"So which one's yours?"

Han nodded towards his daughter, "Number 23"

The women grinned, "So you're Princess's mystery man! Can't blame you for running out on her… I hear she's ice cold under that little-miss-gonna-change-the-world act." She gave a quick up and down glance, "Besides… she doesn't seem like the type of girl that could keep you satisfied."

Han scooched a little farther away, still unable to stop the lady's advances. He was running out of bench.

"Leia is wonderful… people just don't normally get to see the non-political side of her." Han retorted agitated by the women's dismissal of Leia. His anger flared up, but he let it be. He didn't want to start anything. Normally, Han was proud of the hand he played in overthrowing the Empire and giving the people their freedom. Then he met people like this lady and wondered if some people weren't worth their sacrifice…

The lady let out a cackle, she probably thought was sexy. Placing a possessive hand on his arm she giggled, "Oh honey, you don't need to patronize her with me! You're among friends! I always found her whole act a little hard to swallow. I suppose the whole lost her planet must have been a drag. But come on move on! The rest of us have!"

The obnoxious flirt leaned closer, tightening her grip on his arm. He was out of bench.

"Hm. Well I see you're otherwise engaged." a voice huffed. Leia seemed to have solidified out of thin air and was presently glaring at him. He made a vain attempt to disentangle the blonde from his arm, who only gave Leia challenging grin.

Leia barely spared her a glance. "My meeting ran short. I am going for a walk; I will take Hana when she is done. Feel free to honor any previous engagements."

And with that she was gone, swinging her little hips in her signature storming off walk. He hadn't had the privilege of seeing it in quite some time. With one nearly aggressive jerk of his arm, he detached the blond and rushed after Leia into the garden path on the far end of the field.

"Leia wait!" He begged, as he caught up. He was always amazed how fast her strides could be especially when provoked. "I know you mad at me, but please let me explain!"

She slowed her pace ever so slightly letting him fall in next to her. She kept her eyes locked ahead, her jaw set firmly. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad about my meeting with Mon Mothma."

Han raised his eyebrows, but she didn't glance his way to see it. "What you do with your personal life is no concern of mine."

And there it was. All of the progress they had made. Every glance. Every touch. And they were back to where they started.

"Leia… come on… it wasn't what it looked like! Please believe me!" He pleaded, searching her face for any flicker of emotion. She gave him nothing.

"I have to admit I'm surprised. I knew you were always a scoundrel, but at your daughter's practice! That's low even for you!" She finally turned her head, giving him a cold smile, a brief flicker of pain in her eyes betraying her.

"Leia… if we could just stop and talk for a second! I'd rather not throw all of this away!" Han tried to keep his voice level. She had taken a low blow, but he knew she didn't mean it. They never got anywhere during shouting matches; he was determined to keep his temper.

"And out of all people you choose Gleeta Ronkell! She left her husband for a married man. Always wanting what she can't have! Breaking up marriages and preying on spoken for men! Worse part is her daughter's gonna be-"

Han had grabbed Leia's arm pulling her to a stop. "Spoken for men?"

The ice shattered, Leia's eyes got wide before she averted her gaze. "Well I mean she has done it before… I'm just saying she trouble…"

Han took a step closer to her, his hand still loosely holding onto her arm as if he was half expecting her to bolt. He intently gazed upon her face, gauging her reaction, hope bubbling deep within his chest.

"Leia. Whose spoken for?"

She stiffened, color flooding her pastel cheeks. "It… I wasn't talking about…you," she mumbled to the shrubs to him left.

Another small set forward. He took in a deep breath. It was now or never. "Too bad I would have liked the title." It came out barely a whisper. The world seemed to stop around them. He held his breath. His heart thudded in his chest like a wild caged animal desperate to escape.

After what seemed like a millennia, two dark doe eyes slowly peeked out from their hood of lashes. Really looking at him for the first time that day. An understanding passed between them, saying all the words their lips couldn't. A small smile began to play at the corner of Leia's lips.

"I alright, Hotshot."

"Does that mean allowed to kiss you again?"

Leia rolled her eyes and gave him a playful punch, not able to conceal her smile. Then, their lips met. Tentative at first, but then with more power as their feelings overwhelmed them. When they came up for air Han pulled back to look at her. He had truly never seen anything more beautiful. He pulled her in close, burying his face in her molasses locks, missing her closeness.

"I missed you" He whispered into her hair. She snuggled closer into his chest.

"Welcome home, Han."

Han Solo: smuggler, General, nerfherder, spaceball mom, _spoken for man_

 **Note: 'Spaceball' is basically their version of soccer, so yes, Han is officially a soccer mom :)**


End file.
